Day 6: share something that stood out from your day

A toast to Day 6!!

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I had a sort of busy day filled with car issues, family and friends. But I’m going to share my “car-time” talk with you. I be talking to myself sometimes. But listen, if you’ve ever had an issue sorting out the difference between guilt and conviction, here goes . . .

While I was driving around looking for tires for my car, I was thinking about all the other “problems” I had going on. And just how much I needed this tire issue to sort itself out before I lost my mind.

So I’ve been waiting and praying for particular thing and I know the method in which  people have received that thing. I am not sharing exactly what I am talking about because I do not want to come off judgmental.

But I was thinking of getting myself into this thing which I didn’t really feel good about. So as I was thinking about this temptation or sin, I could clearly hear God asking “are you doing this because you do not trust me to fulfill my promises to you, or because you think I need your help?” And I was like wow God, it ain’t even like that fam, I’m just really wanting this thing and you’re kind of taking a long time. But in that moment, I was convicted. I decided I wasn’t going to fall for that temptation.

For me, conviction is when God corrects you about something. But that correction offers grace when we oblige. Conviction brings peace of mind and freedom.

As soon I was convicted. I felt the enemy saying super clearly, “what? you are going to avoid this small temptation, what about all your thousand and one sins? Do you think this little change make a difference to God, he is not even pleased with you because you haven’t fully surrendered and you still sin, this little change doesn’t matter.” The enemy was basically guilting me to run towards this temptation.

Guilt carries with it shame and requires you to hide in anxiousness. 

After this little short experience in my car, I just thought to myself, this is what it means to be convicted and this is what it means to feel guilt. I know they are just words but I just want us to try separate the voice of the enemy and of God. Conviction is from God and guilt is from the enemy. People who belong to God are not meant to feel guilty. There is no shame with God and absolutely no blame. He corrects you to free you. God gives us freedom.

What is something you’ve been convicted about in your walk with Christ?

 

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You love who you love?

IMG_0593.jpgAm I the only who can’t seem to grasp the concept of loving someone and being in love with someone? When it is explained to me, I get it, but when I am alone and I think about it, it just doesn’t make sense. What is even more troublesome to me is when someone say they love someone but they are in love with another person. I also don’t understand why people glorify the “in love” love. I’m going to attempt to define what my understanding of being in love and loving someone mean.

being in love

I think being in love is a highly emotional charged feeling, similar to infatuation. I think when someone is in love with someone, they want that person around or need them around. They obsess over the person. They are crazy over the person. Their senses are heightened when the person is around. They feel immense pleasure just by this persons presence or accidental touch. Anything and everything about this person excites them. They do not see the person for who they really are because they are so blinded by being in love.  

loving

I think when you love someone, you’ve made a decision about that person. You understand that there is purpose in that person being in your life. You do not like that person all the time but there is nothing you wouldn’t do for them. When you love someone, you think about their heart and less about how you feel. That person is security for you. That person is stability for you.

**Based on my description, I’ll take someone loving me for $100 please. haha

I don’t know if any of you watch The Bachelor, but this past season was out of control because the bachelor initially chose someone he loved then left her for someone he was in love with.

He plainly said, he could see a future with the woman he chose and loved. He knew she would be a good mother and be a good wife. He knew she would make him happy BUT he was in love with someone else. So obviously there was an uproar. People were upset because he left the woman he loved for the one he was in love with. Others said he was courageous for following his heart.

I still haven’t decided

What he did was juvenile in my eyes, but I appreciate it, not because he left but because he freed the woman he left.

I think people glorify being in love because it so passionate and it is so obvious. But to me, it is surface level love at best and doesn’t really require any hard work. Loving someone requires digging deep, knowing what you want and protecting the heart of the beloved. People see this as settling. I don’t agree.

I think being in love fades, because there was no decision involved. Loving someone is or could be forever.

So, when you are faced with picking someone you are in love with and someone you love, pick the person you love. But when you find someone whom you are in love with AND love, pick that person over anyone. hahaha. Don’t listen to me. I’m single AF.

I do hope that you all find someone that you feel both things for. And do not get me wrong, I am not dismissing the feelings of being in love, I think it is very important in the longevity of a relationship, but it cannot stand on its own, it will need to come with something. Loving someone can stand on its own.

Let me know what you think?

 

 

January 2018 wrap up+Life Lately

this is a long one.

I’m having one of those sleepless nights and I figured why not write my last post for January 2018. I really wasn’t planning on writing this because I genuinely do not know where January went. People keep complaining about how long January has been and I’m saying to myself, “I can’t relate fam!!” I wish the days were longer.

I am also writing to attend to my heart. I’ve just been on the go about a certain specific thing and just focused on that so much that, I’ve literally put “all the feels” away. I think that it has finally caught up with me, hence why I am up writing  this late. I’m sure I will be back focusing on “tasks” tomorrow. But this morning, lets share all the feels.

life lately

  • I am really struggling to trust right now. I don’t really have much to say on this but the fact that I am. I don’t really like the feeling. I’m struggling with people taking their words lightly on very important issues. My biggest dilemma is figuring out if someone is not trustworthy based on one instance, thus completely disqualifying them from the people you are vulnerable with or to take the one instance for what it was as one and not hold it over the person head. I’m leaning more towards the latter.  But if you can’t trust someone with your heart, can you really trust them with anything else? I don’t know. I’m still figuring things out.
  • I probably won’t be blogging as much in February if at all because I have like 3 big things coming up that is absolutely freaking me out but I am also excited about. I cannot wait to share.
  • I’ve been thinking a lot about how my life would be if I never have a partner. There is nothing written anywhere that that we will all find someone, but for me, I’ve always thought I would, so I always look forward to that day. But the truth is, that day might never come and I still have to carry on and carry on well. So, lately, I’ve been trying to decide what living well by myself will look like. I want reach a place where I have this solid balance of joy in singleness and hope in meeting my person.
  • everything rides on hope now, everything rides on faith somehow, when the world has broken me down, Your love sets me free- Addison Road

  • Lately, I’ve just been baffled with the idea of people thinking they are helping but in reality they are not. For an example, a random example… someone will say to an alcoholic, “I am not drinking alcohol in front of you because I don’t want you to relapse.” This isn’t bad in itself, but the baffling thing for me is that the person made this decision all on their own without consulting the person they THINK they are helping. I guess instead of assuming you know what is best for someone, just ask, “how can I help you? how can I make things easier for you? would it help if I did this thing or that thing?” People need to just ask. You don’t make decisions for people without their knowledge. I’ve just been feeling or seeing that in my own life and I am annoyed by the arrogance.
  • I am interested in starting a separate natural hair blog, please don’t roll your eyes because I too know there are already many out there. But the many doesn’t include type 4 naturals or kinkier textured hair type, so I want to fill that space. I am thinking more about it and if I decide, it will probably launch by summer time. And yay for me, I will have access to my friends who can take pictures of me. I’m pretty sure I am going to annoy them but eh…
  • Lately, I’ve been trying to be more cheerful, you know live a yellow-ass life but I feel like I am doing it the wrong way. I’m pushing things aside, pretending I don’t feel certain things and just feeling good on the surface. I want to find a way to be authentic about where my heart truly is yet cheerful. 
  • Lately, I’ve been listening to some really good “new” music- new as in, new to me. I don’t really share my love for music here but it really gives me so much joy. Like I can hear a tune and just feel so grateful for music and that I can hear it. hmmm.
  • I also made a basic vision board. But I like being basic because it encompasses how I want my life to be. YELLOW. I’m going to be buying a lot of yellow things in the next few months. hahaha because why not?

  • Lately, I’ve been thinking about death and how in most cases it happens without notice. It reminds me that negative feelings, especially about people do not matter. Why be upset with someone when you can love on them? or even more important why lose your peace because of anger towards someone? Don’t get me wrong, most feelings are valid, but I guess when I think of death, some of the feelings seem like wasted energy. It is also pushing me to attend to things that I am passionate about. But right now, in this moment, I can say that I am not afraid of death. I just want to live with the knowledge that I can die at any moment and that while I am life I am called to live fully. I think sometimes, for most of us, we don’t live the life we want because we think we have time. But we don’t. Right now, I am trying to figure out the life that I want then I am going to pursue it like I know my death is imminent. This is not meant to sound morbid, but really think about it, how would you live your life differently if you accept the fact that you don’t really have a lot of time on this earth. Who would you surround yourself with? where would you go? what would you do with your money? what career would you pursue?

January goals

  • Read the book of common prayers everyday
    • This did not happen. I went strong for about 20 days then I started reading other plans that were needed for that time.
  • Go to the gym at least twice a week
    • This also didn’t happen. I did go 4/8 times. My bank account probably laughs at me every time I complain about money because it sees me just throwing it away to my gym membership. Fix it Jesus
  • Read 2 books
    • Listen, I started 3 books. I didn’t finish any. Why am I like this?
  • Drink more water
    • did that
  • No fast food….Ahhhhh I just thought of chick Fil a. Maybe be just once this month?
    • Prior to making this a goal, I wasn’t really frequenting fast food joints “like that” so I thought this was going to be easy. I had fast food so many times I literally lost count.
  • Visit my nephew and niece at least 4 times this month
    • This didn’t happen either. I did “run” into them once and my niece was asking me not to go. I’m a really crappy aunt. I need to spend more time with them.
  • Pray for people every Sunday I go to church despite how I’m feeling emotionally
    • check

I am not really setting any goals for February because as mentioned, I have a couple of big things coming up and I just want to focus on that for now. But I may write a blog post here and there when I feel inclined to. But will be back to regular posting in the later part of March.

How has life been for you lately? How are your goals coming along?