For the Single Person on Valentine’s Day

I was wrestling with writing about this topic because I am not sure what the purpose of it would be for you all and I don’t really think I am the person to write about this, at this time. But it HAS been on my heart to write about singleness and I think the day before Valentines Day is a good time.

In the last month or so, I have been fighting with the temptation of settling into a relationship, any relationship. For me settling looks like being with a man just to say I have a man, and that being the sole reason.  My intention was to dismiss the things I care about having in a partner and just be with someone, anyone, who liked me enough and that I could tolerate. I was going to let go of the idea of:

  • having someone I can laugh with
  • someone I have chemistry with
  • someone I can share my bathroom expeditions with (TMI)
  • someone who can pray over me
  • someone who can be compassionate to how I am wired.
  • Someone who teaches me about boldness
  • and someone whose relationship with God is evident, etc…

if you find anyone like this, send them to me!

I didn’t care about any of these things, I just wanted someone, anyone. Besides not caring about these things, I think the root of it all was, that I did’t REALLY BELIEVE that God could give me my heart desire.

I was talking to one of my good friends a few weeks ago (shout out to my peanut butter) about settling in a relationship and it literally scared the heck out of me. I kept telling my friend how I cannot wrap my head around that idea, honestly just thinking about it right now, is giving me “low-key” anxiety. But I am so grateful for the people God has placed in my life and the friend I am referring to just simply told me, “you don’t need to settle. Don’t settle. Just focus on having a really good year” I think I needed that assurance that I didn’t need to settle and it is okay to BE single and there is purpose in singleness.

Look ,I am not here to glorify singleness, because to be frank, it SUCKS! for lack of a better word. It is sometimes painful and it is lonely.

But for me, singleness has really opened my eyes to see the things that God wants to change and do in my life. I’ll list a few:

  • I think God wants to break my pattern of attachment to things outside of Him. Loving someone isn’t bad in itself, its actually a really beautiful thing, but loving someone MORE than The Creator is bad. I think God wants me to know that life is in Him alone.
  • I think God wants to heal me and piece together all my brokenness and MESS.
  • I think God wants me to work on my relationships with my family and form deep friendships. In the past, I’ve only opened up to people I was romantically involved with and failed at having meaningful friendships. I think God wants to fix that.
  • I think God wants to give me joy that can only be found in Him.

I want all these things I mentioned above to happen before I actually get in a relationship. OR I only want God to bring someone in my life who will help me advance in my pursuit of God.

I don’t know what to tell you to make singleness look appealing or even tolerable, because it isn’t for those of us who desire romantic relationship. But I think this season can worth while if it is used wisely and there is less sulking. (the sulking part is definitely for me!)

But, I do pray that you find ease for the lonely nights, ease for when you see all the engagements photos on facebook (should we just delete facebook?), ease for when you are consumed by the failures of past relationships, and ease on valentines day. I pray that you see all that God is showing you and doing in you. 

Most importantly, we are so loved. So deeply. And we know this by just looking at the cross. We know this because Jesus died for us. He chose to die than to leave us in darkness. I am chosen. You are chosen. What a freaking revelation! For me, that is all I’ve ever wanted, to be chosen. I am.

If you’re an unbeliever, this is probably such a hard concept to grasp. It is for us Christians too, don’t worry. But it is the truth, so I hope you can at least rest in that for the days you feel unloved.

Lastly, don’t be bitter and jealous of the people that have partners. Really wish them well. I think bitterness clouds our minds and hearts and prevent good things from penetrating in. So if you feel any kind of bitterness, pray about it don’t mock or speak ill of others romantic relationship.

If you are struggling with singleness and really seeing God at this time, I’ll really love to pray for you. Or if you have any other prayer request, I’ll love to pray for you. I think my email is in my contacts. You can also DM me on INSTAGRAM @yaa_tekyiwaa

How are you dealing with being single? are you dreading valentines day?

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All for Love

This was written 02/01/2015.

last night as I jotted down blog post ideas for February, it being the month that valentines day, the day of love is celebrated, I wanted to share some of my favorite romantic songs, song that may very well be played at my wedding. Hahaha anyways, This afternoon, I felt this urge to worship, one phrase kept going through my head, “king of heaven on the earth be found.” I had gone to church earlier that day and worshiped with the church but I felt as though haven’t worshiped in a while. I longed for the freedom of my own space, my own style, arms lifted up, and singing on and off key, just a show for my “audience of one.”

Anyways, the night before I had shared with MA a few things I want to change and become, and I felt God telling me as I worshipped that, “my Love, has overcome all those negatives things in your life and you CAN be all those things you aspire to be.”

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Then I thought, “ what if I fail?” how would I feel and say and think about myself? Then I got this great analogy, or a message from God. HA!it was an eventful night.

I said to myself “basking in his love!” Meaning I am relaxed and confident in the love of God. I am that spoiled brat who knows that her father is always looking out for her. Similar to children with wealthy parents in our society, they move with authority, no fear but complete and unwavering bravery. They go to places they want, become who they want to be and when they do screw up, they just get on the phone and call DADDY!!

I have that. I AM that child. My heavenly father is rich in grace and mercy!! I have a father I can run to when I fail, so I can walk boldly in life. I have father that loves me so much that no matter what I do, he will never turn his face away from me. Even when I forget that love because I am consumed by the businesses of  life or hiding because of shame, love is there and I just have to go to my father, just pick up the phone and tell him, I need help,  I’m scared, I have failed, and the answer WILL ALWAYS BE…I love you, lets fix this. God offers this love to ALL OF US!!

This month, whether single or taken, remember that you are so loved, deeply!! And you may not feel it all the time, but God is real and he Loves you so stinking much and he things you are beautiful and pure and right and just straight up “ON FLEEK” …Truly you are EVERYTHING!!EVERYTHING!! It is my duty to let you know these things, and I pray that you and I both believe it NO MATTER WHAT  and we start living like sons and daughters of the most kindest father.

If you do not like the father analogy then disregard it. God says he is I AM. So God is whoever you want him or her to be. Pronouns are man-made, so do not be distracted.

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Anyways, here are a few love songs, not my wedding songs, may come later, but songs about the greatest love of all:

“your love, brighter than the sun, more beautiful than words could ever say. This endless light, shining over all, it leads me to your glory everlasting.”
Nothing but your love,  hillsong united

how many times, have I broken your heart? Still you forgive, if only I ask.”
All for love, Hillsong United

“the mountain that’s in front of me, will be thrown into the midst of the sea.”
It is well, Bethel music

“but thou my Lord has suffered was all for sinners gain”
O sacred head now wounded, Selah

“for you are for us, you are not against, champion of heaven you made a way for all to enter…”
– You make me brave, Bethel Music

so much love this month ❤
SAA