Tag Archives: singleness

For the Single Person on Valentine’s Day

I was wrestling with writing about this topic because I am not sure what the purpose of it would be for you all and I don’t really think I am the person to write about this, at this time. But it HAS been on my heart to write about singleness and I think the day before Valentines Day is a good time.

In the last month or so, I have been fighting with the temptation of settling into a relationship, any relationship. For me settling looks like being with a man just to say I have a man, and that being the sole reason.  My intention was to dismiss the things I care about having in a partner and just be with someone, anyone, who liked me enough and that I could tolerate. I was going to let go of the idea of:

  • having someone I can laugh with
  • someone I have chemistry with
  • someone I can share my bathroom expeditions with (TMI)
  • someone who can pray over me
  • someone who can be compassionate to how I am wired.
  • Someone who teaches me about boldness
  • and someone whose relationship with God is evident, etc…

if you find anyone like this, send them to me!

I didn’t care about any of these things, I just wanted someone, anyone. Besides not caring about these things, I think the root of it all was, that I did’t REALLY BELIEVE that God could give me my heart desire.

I was talking to one of my good friends a few weeks ago (shout out to my peanut butter) about settling in a relationship and it literally scared the heck out of me. I kept telling my friend how I cannot wrap my head around that idea, honestly just thinking about it right now, is giving me “low-key” anxiety. But I am so grateful for the people God has placed in my life and the friend I am referring to just simply told me, “you don’t need to settle. Don’t settle. Just focus on having a really good year” I think I needed that assurance that I didn’t need to settle and it is okay to BE single and there is purpose in singleness.

Look ,I am not here to glorify singleness, because to be frank, it SUCKS! for lack of a better word. It is sometimes painful and it is lonely.

But for me, singleness has really opened my eyes to see the things that God wants to change and do in my life. I’ll list a few:

  • I think God wants to break my pattern of attachment to things outside of Him. Loving someone isn’t bad in itself, its actually a really beautiful thing, but loving someone MORE than The Creator is bad. I think God wants me to know that life is in Him alone.
  • I think God wants to heal me and piece together all my brokenness and MESS.
  • I think God wants me to work on my relationships with my family and form deep friendships. In the past, I’ve only opened up to people I was romantically involved with and failed at having meaningful friendships. I think God wants to fix that.
  • I think God wants to give me joy that can only be found in Him.

I want all these things I mentioned above to happen before I actually get in a relationship. OR I only want God to bring someone in my life who will help me advance in my pursuit of God.

I don’t know what to tell you to make singleness look appealing or even tolerable, because it isn’t for those of us who desire romantic relationship. But I think this season can worth while if it is used wisely and there is less sulking. (the sulking part is definitely for me!)

But, I do pray that you find ease for the lonely nights, ease for when you see all the engagements photos on facebook (should we just delete facebook?), ease for when you are consumed by the failures of past relationships, and ease on valentines day. I pray that you see all that God is showing you and doing in you. 

Most importantly, we are so loved. So deeply. And we know this by just looking at the cross. We know this because Jesus died for us. He chose to die than to leave us in darkness. I am chosen. You are chosen. What a freaking revelation! For me, that is all I’ve ever wanted, to be chosen. I am.

If you’re an unbeliever, this is probably such a hard concept to grasp. It is for us Christians too, don’t worry. But it is the truth, so I hope you can at least rest in that for the days you feel unloved.

Lastly, don’t be bitter and jealous of the people that have partners. Really wish them well. I think bitterness clouds our minds and hearts and prevent good things from penetrating in. So if you feel any kind of bitterness, pray about it don’t mock or speak ill of others romantic relationship.

If you are struggling with singleness and really seeing God at this time, I’ll really love to pray for you. Or if you have any other prayer request, I’ll love to pray for you. I think my email is in my contacts. You can also DM me on INSTAGRAM @yaa_tekyiwaa

How are you dealing with being single? are you dreading valentines day?

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True Life: I am undateable

IMG_1878Truth time!

Have you all heard of “RED FLAGS?” If not, “red flags” are warning signs; behaviors that you should literally RUN AWAY from when you notice them in someone you are dating. “Red flags” aren’t minor flaws about a person, like the person who chews too loudly and snort when they laugh. No. “Red flags” are character flaws that someone can ruin another person with, for that reason, every relationship guru will advise you to FLEA from such a person.

Some of these “red flags” are:

  • someone who abuses alcohol and drugs
  • someone who monitor your every move
  • someone who is physically rough with you
  • someone who doesn’t like to work (irresponsible), etc…

These are just some examples but there are definitely more, right? These characteristics or behaviors doesn’t make the person a bad person, but dating someone who show any of these “red flags” can and will affect your future and your happiness.

So I attended a class at my church and as we were going over some of these “red flags,” I had this uneasy feeling about them. I kept wanting to relate them to the people I’ve dated in the past. I wanted to justify why it didn’t work out with them. I thought maybe, they had these “red flags” and I escaped them. But as we kept going over some of these red flags, some of them kept pointing at ME not them I said to my friends,

I am the red flags

What a revelation right?

These are some of the behaviors and characters I have that are “red flags:”

  • expecting my partner to drop everything for me
  • blaming others or situations for my problems
  • selfish
  • having mood swings, etc…

I have more, but I don’t feel the need to go through all of them. But the realization that I possessed these characteristics that someone can look at as a warning sign or “red flag” literally scared me. Because that means that I’m not dateable. For me, I will waste no time running away from someone like me, so why should I offer myself with these flaws to someone else. No one deserves that.

Although I am worried about the fact that I am undateable, now, I am committed to changing these things about myself and really finding the root causes of why and how I ended up this way. I’m sure it will be difficult but if and when I come out on the other side, I trust I will make someone happy. (assuming I’m not called to singleness. hahaha) So there is hope!

If after reading this, you discover that you too are undateable, do not feel upset about it but be grateful that at least you have this awareness. What you do with it, is up to you!

What are some of your “red flags?”

How to deal with singleness during the holidays

IMG_7362I don’t know about you but I especially feel single during the holidays. I guess it make sense right? because every jewelry commercial, post card and all proposals happen in December and into the New Year. Lets not forget about all the bloggers and youtubers who write and make a 1001 videos about the perfect gift for your significant other. These things alone will make you wish March will roll around already, at least there are no holidays glorifying being in a romantic relationship after March.

The truth is, if you are single, this is your reality and you have to live with it. Holidays may suck especially for some because maybe this year, you will be celebrating alone due to a break up or even death. If this is you, I hope you find comfort and ease this season. For some, you may find relief because you do not have to waste time shopping for a significant other who may not even appreciate it. For you, I’m so glad you’ve found freedom. 

For the people asking “when will it be my turn?” I want to tell you that your question is valid and its okay to grieve over your unfulfilled desires. For you, I hope your person, your perfect person,, comes soon so you can delight in each other.

If this season leaves you feeling unloved, unworthy or of no value because you don’t have your person yet, I just want to tell you that, all those words above that you are speaking over yourself, is FAKE NEWS. You are so loved. So loved and so cared for.

So I have a suggestion on how to deal with the holiday as single person. How about you and I commit to turning those thoughts of loneliness and ache for someone into learning new words and speaking those things over our lives. Words like loved and worthy.

Sometimes tough seasons just seem useless and we just wish hem over, but I really hope you use this time well and that you don’t allow yourself to drown in self pity.

I’ve never really prayed about a blog post before publishing it, but I just had to pray over this post because I feel like some people may really need this. I really pray that you find joy. Deep rooted joy. unmovable and unshakable.

I always want to reiterate that I write for myself too just to remind you that you are not alone. If you want to talk more, I think my email is in my contact or something or DM me on instagram @iwritewhatilikeblog