Self-worth and being busy

I walked into my room and I said to myself, “today was a good day.” Then I started listing all things I got done and I felt really really good.

It reminded me of when I was in undergrad when I would  pull all nighters and brag about my lack of sleep. I would have this feeling of accomplishment, of pride and just happiness because indeed, I was getting shit done. I felt that today. Today, I got shit done and I enjoyed every bit of it. It made me feel good telling people that I’ve been up since 4:00AM and I’ve had such and such amount of coffee and energy drinks, and look at me I am so tired. Ugh I am so tired.

After I had settled down, I started thinking, what is it about us as people that make us feel like over working ourselves is something to boast off. In my eyes, it isn’t. This isn’t for the people who NEED to work those multiple jobs or HAVE to work those long shifts.If this is you, I pray you get a break and get to relax soon.

I am talking about those of us whose sense of worth comes from checking things of our to do list. I’m talking about those of us who just keep going and going for the extra money or position but don’t take the time to enjoy the fruit of our labor. There are some of us who think that we should save all of our money and maybe when we retire, we can finally enjoy. I fit into all these boxes, but the fact of the matter is we aren’t going to live forever. Some of us may never reach retirement. I’m not trying to be morbid and I am not encouraging wastefulness and laziness. Far from that.

I want us to wake up early to get things done but at least use 30 minutes or one hour for a special breakfast if that’s what you’re into or just 30 minutes of playing your favorite songs. Just to pause before you start looking at that to-do list.

Everything I did today had to be done and I am happy I was able to them. But my happiness shouldn’t come from busyness. Overworking myself isn’t something to be proud of. I do not need to do it all to feel like, compared to other, I am not lazy. I know the type of life I want and it is not one of busyness and checking of tasks.

The life I want is a slow and simple one and I really want to focus on that. Really pursue it. I am not going to feel bad for needing a break or guilty for not checking off everything on my list. I am going to prioritize and do what NEEDS to be done and leave it at that and at least do ONE thing for me every week (baby steps huh?) . I will not take pride in getting things done.

Do you feel like you have to busy all the time?

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Showing up in your life

I remember saying to one of my friends, “If you tell me you will be there, then I will for sure show up.” I wanted to go for a run, okay let me stop lying, I wanted to go for a jog, actually a walk, right? But I knew I wouldn’t commit to it unless my friend was going to be there. That settled it, I was going to go, so I don’t fail her or disappoint her. I was committed to her and so I knew I had to be there, I knew I had to show up.

I’ve been thinking about showing up lately, showing up for myself to be precise. Before I go any further, I know millennials are obsessed with “do what you like” attitude. I don’t think anyone should just do whatever they like, it is selfish and it shows that you lack self-control. So no, this isn’t about doing WHATEVER it is that you like but committing to showing up for ourselves. We’ve already learned how to be there for people, so the positive or good things that we do for others, or encourage others to do, we need to give those things to ourselves. We are just as important.

For me, if any of my friends ask me to wake up at 5:00am to take them to the airport or do something for them, I wouldn’t think twice about it. But waking up at 6:00am t go work out, do something good for my mind and body, I will make so many excuses and  before I know it the day has passed me by.

Even in terms of work. I commit 8 hours a day to someone’s business, granted I get paid. But I can’t commit 2 hours to my own goals, even though that will provide me with the ultimate reward.

Along with that, isn’t it so funny how we do not mind spending money on our loved ones because we think they deserve it, but when it comes to buying something for ourselves, we go the cheap route? Maybe it is just me. But I am notorious for that. I will save up to buy someone something nice for someone, but I can never do so for myself.

I’m also not saying don’t do nice things for others, I’m just saying, do nice things for yourself too.

How I’m going to show up for myself is, when I begin making excuses not to do something, I will think about the most important person in my life, and ask myself, if this person wanted me to do this thing, would I make excuses or just show up for them? The answer will always be the latter. So because I am equally as important, I HAVE to show up for myself.

Showing up for myself means cultivating discipline, saying no, resting, and getting ish done even when I don’t want to. Showing up means not seeking validation from anyone, making myself happy, and getting through tough situations in healthy ways. Showing up for myself means no excuses. It means trying my best. It means not comparing myself to other people.

How do you show up for yourself?

I am not a queen, and that is okay

IMG_3948Hi friends,

Happy Thursday! This is going to be a little bit of a rant but not quite. For a long while I have been frustrated with people calling themselves kings and queens, more emphasis on the queen. I will be sharing why being labeled as a queenis problamatic.

It is a means of controlling women

This whole queen business, I believe is just another form of controlling women in society. I think in recent years,  we’ve got to a place where women are abandoning the whole notion of the “good girl” vs “bad girl” thing and genuinely started being themselves. Speaking up for them selves, finding sexual liberty, going after male-dominated career fields, demanding more, etc… women were no longer being controlled by the desrie to be a “good girl” and adhering to the means of which to become one. Then rose this whole notion of being a queen, this provided a way for people to have authority over women and how they should behave. So now what we have are women not living out their lives how they like but following some sort of guidelines so they could be called queens.

Who doesn’t want to called by a good name?.

where there is queenship, there is kingship. I’m not too concerned about what goes on in the homes of others, in regards to who is the leader and who isn’t. That isn’t what I am talking about here, if your partner is your king at home, by all means let it be. The problem is random men asserting their kingship on women they do not know from anywhere by dictating how a woman should conform to be a queen.

encourages competion among women

Referring back to my previous point, this whole notion of being a queen is really just another form of the “good girl” vs. “bad girl” idea that we all know so well.

My last book review was a book called LUCKY, in the book, Alice was raped. She kept referring to the fact that she was a good girl because she wa a virgin before she was raped and further went on to discuss how her being a “good girl” helped her win the case. It also gained her sympathy from the police officers who were on the case. I couldn’t believe she was saying that but it is the absolute truth. supposed “good girls” are always winning!

Similarly there is competition between “queens” and “others” where queens are deem worthy of respect, kindness, and are treated with value. But people who aren’t considered “queens” get treated with disdain. I have seen memes and Instagram posts of both men and women stating something along the lines of… “if you act like a queen, he wouldn’t disrespect you.” I’ve seen people putting up pictures of fully clothed woman next to barely clothed woman and labeling the one with more clothes on as the queen #thisishowaqueendresses. Now we have women judging each other referring to some as queens, others not. Honestly no one is queen, this type of competition is wasted energy. this brings me to my next point…

promotes the idea of unworthiness

The truth is we are naturally worthy of being treated decently by people. The even bigger truth is, you are not royalty.hahaha. Obviously there are some people whohail from a royal background but we aren’t speaking of queens in the technical way. All jokes aside, the bigger truth is, people are valuable within themselves and should be treated as such. Treating someone with kindness and respect shouldn’t be based on basic decisions they make like how much clothes they put on their body or choices they make in regards to how and who they date. You are worthy because you are human. You are enough because you are human. Your worth doesn’t come from being labeled as a queen. You are who you are, and that is enough.

How do you feel about being called a queen?