Self-worth and being busy

I walked into my room and I said to myself, “today was a good day.” Then I started listing all things I got done and I felt really really good.

It reminded me of when I was in undergrad when I would  pull all nighters and brag about my lack of sleep. I would have this feeling of accomplishment, of pride and just happiness because indeed, I was getting shit done. I felt that today. Today, I got shit done and I enjoyed every bit of it. It made me feel good telling people that I’ve been up since 4:00AM and I’ve had such and such amount of coffee and energy drinks, and look at me I am so tired. Ugh I am so tired.

After I had settled down, I started thinking, what is it about us as people that make us feel like over working ourselves is something to boast off. In my eyes, it isn’t. This isn’t for the people who NEED to work those multiple jobs or HAVE to work those long shifts.If this is you, I pray you get a break and get to relax soon.

I am talking about those of us whose sense of worth comes from checking things of our to do list. I’m talking about those of us who just keep going and going for the extra money or position but don’t take the time to enjoy the fruit of our labor. There are some of us who think that we should save all of our money and maybe when we retire, we can finally enjoy. I fit into all these boxes, but the fact of the matter is we aren’t going to live forever. Some of us may never reach retirement. I’m not trying to be morbid and I am not encouraging wastefulness and laziness. Far from that.

I want us to wake up early to get things done but at least use 30 minutes or one hour for a special breakfast if that’s what you’re into or just 30 minutes of playing your favorite songs. Just to pause before you start looking at that to-do list.

Everything I did today had to be done and I am happy I was able to them. But my happiness shouldn’t come from busyness. Overworking myself isn’t something to be proud of. I do not need to do it all to feel like, compared to other, I am not lazy. I know the type of life I want and it is not one of busyness and checking of tasks.

The life I want is a slow and simple one and I really want to focus on that. Really pursue it. I am not going to feel bad for needing a break or guilty for not checking off everything on my list. I am going to prioritize and do what NEEDS to be done and leave it at that and at least do ONE thing for me every week (baby steps huh?) . I will not take pride in getting things done.

Do you feel like you have to busy all the time?


How to stop waiting for someone to make you happy

bojo beach in ghana

I realized after my last relationship that I was one of those people that sit around waiting for someone to make them happy.

I didn’t like discovering this truth about myself.

Although we came into this world alone, we were also created for relationships, but not to be codependent on people. For me, finding happiness outside of my relationships was something I found impossible to do. But I knew I had to change because the truth is, everything in this life is temporary and no one is guaranteed to be around for as long as you’d like them to be. Also, there is no guarantee that we will all find our “person” or soulmate or significant other who is going to come into our lives and brighten it up and bring us happiness. No person holds your happiness or mine.

I’m sharing how I’ve learned or how I am learning to stop waiting for people to make me happy.

bojo beach in ghana

  • Accept your alone-ness- I’m trying to not sound harsh. But if you are single right now, KNOW and ACCEPT and BELIEVE that you are single! You are single. You are alone! Really believe that. Being alone maybe to temporary or permanent, but once you’ve accepted this truth about your situation, you will be inclined to start looking out for yourself and finding happiness for yourself instead of waiting for someone.
  • Engage in what brings you joy- If reading brings you joy, please read all the books. If music brings you joy, sing all the songs and play all the music. Do not waste time doing things that do not make you happy. Do not engage in things you feel blah about. You cannot afford to do that. so don’t.
  • Build relationships- Naturally when people are in romantic relationships , especially ones where they depended on the other person fr happiness, they tend to drift away from their friends and family. This alone time is the perfect opportunity to build relationships you’ve allowed to fall off. I really hope you have good friends and family who will take you back. Rebuilding relationships with people who care about you has a way of reminding you that, you already have enough.
  • Meet new people- Lately, I’ve discovered I really enjoy meeting new people, I’m still really awkward but its really nice to engage with people with no expectations.
  • Be yourself- There is so much joy in being yourself and even having the opportunity to be yourself. You literally do not have to worry about anyone thinking the movies you enjoy are too boring or that your music sucks! This freedom alone is happiness within it self.
  • Take care of yourself- For me, taking care of myself reminds me that I matter, and I deserve to be taken care of. And if no one is going to do it, which no one is obligated to, then I am able to do it myself.

I really just hope that this helps anyone who is waiting for someone to make them happy. I also hope that, happiness finds you. You are so precious and you deserve happiness.


Showing up in your life

I remember saying to one of my friends, “If you tell me you will be there, then I will for sure show up.” I wanted to go for a run, okay let me stop lying, I wanted to go for a jog, actually a walk, right? But I knew I wouldn’t commit to it unless my friend was going to be there. That settled it, I was going to go, so I don’t fail her or disappoint her. I was committed to her and so I knew I had to be there, I knew I had to show up.

I’ve been thinking about showing up lately, showing up for myself to be precise. Before I go any further, I know millennials are obsessed with “do what you like” attitude. I don’t think anyone should just do whatever they like, it is selfish and it shows that you lack self-control. So no, this isn’t about doing WHATEVER it is that you like but committing to showing up for ourselves. We’ve already learned how to be there for people, so the positive or good things that we do for others, or encourage others to do, we need to give those things to ourselves. We are just as important.

For me, if any of my friends ask me to wake up at 5:00am to take them to the airport or do something for them, I wouldn’t think twice about it. But waking up at 6:00am t go work out, do something good for my mind and body, I will make so many excuses and  before I know it the day has passed me by.

Even in terms of work. I commit 8 hours a day to someone’s business, granted I get paid. But I can’t commit 2 hours to my own goals, even though that will provide me with the ultimate reward.

Along with that, isn’t it so funny how we do not mind spending money on our loved ones because we think they deserve it, but when it comes to buying something for ourselves, we go the cheap route? Maybe it is just me. But I am notorious for that. I will save up to buy someone something nice for someone, but I can never do so for myself.

I’m also not saying don’t do nice things for others, I’m just saying, do nice things for yourself too.

How I’m going to show up for myself is, when I begin making excuses not to do something, I will think about the most important person in my life, and ask myself, if this person wanted me to do this thing, would I make excuses or just show up for them? The answer will always be the latter. So because I am equally as important, I HAVE to show up for myself.

Showing up for myself means cultivating discipline, saying no, resting, and getting ish done even when I don’t want to. Showing up means not seeking validation from anyone, making myself happy, and getting through tough situations in healthy ways. Showing up for myself means no excuses. It means trying my best. It means not comparing myself to other people.

How do you show up for yourself?