Life Lately: Autumn 2017

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I have been wanting to write a post for a while now but I have not been able to bring myself to it. For me, when I step away from something for so long, I usually do not know how to come back to it. But I’m doing it. I am writing again. And I am so glad about it.

Autumn really awakens my soul. So, although I have been MIA all summer, now, feels like a good time to begin writing again. Autumn in a way is my New Year.

Life has been, well you know… you probably don’t know, but I can’t seem to find the words to define how life has been lately. Its been really bitter, but with hints of sweetness.

These past few months were a really bitter season for me. One of the most unimaginable things happened to me and I simply couldn’t take it. I went through a terrible season of depression where I literally felt that there was no reason to live. I was down for months, randomly crying in public places, battling with my weight, and just experiencing really deep sadness. I didn’t think I was going to survive. I do not exaggerate when I tell you this, I had never felt such pain in my entire life.

But rose my friends and family. The sweet. In the midst of this deep sadness, came deep relationships. The sweetest of them all being with my Heavenly Father.

taste and see that the Lord is good

I don’t want to be preachy, but God really showed up in my pain. He didn’t take away the pain or even ease it as quickly as I would have liked, because to be honest, as I write this instant, I feel a ping of it lingering. What God did do, was show up. Be with me. I experienced the companionship of the Holy Spirit and it was so near, so real. I discovered there is evil in the world, but it doesn’t go unseen by our good Father. He is well aware, and His Kingdom will surely come and He would make all things right. So I knew, even if I feel pain, for as long as I live, when I am resurrected and when the Kingdom has come, I will feel that pain no more. So, pain is temporary. This might not sound hopeful because we are mortals and we cannot see the big picture, so we will continue to seek relief from pain, as we should, in the right way. But I just wanted to share this truth that, when the Kingdom of God comes, nothing else would matter, so if you are going through a tough time, rest in that! I also know that this is easier said than done.

Life lately has consisted of a lot of tears and praying. But I am so glad to be blogging again. I have book reviews for you all and so many feels to write about.

for such a time as this

How has life been for you lately?

 

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may joy meet you in the morning

IMG_1982 (2)Happy New Month

early in the morning, I will celebrate the light, when I stumble in the darkness, I will call Your name by night

In my last post I wrote about how tough the last few weeks have been, you can read about it HERE. Usually, I leave it all here and don’t come back to tell about my okay days, and the mornings when joy met me by the time my feet touched the floor.

God has been showing up

But in unexpected ways.

At my lowest, sometime last week, I kept repeating to myself, ” I have no one, I absolutely have no one.” but I know this is a lie. There was this battle in my heart, where I wanted to keep saying “I have no one” but I felt in my heart that i really didn’t believe it and it was the enemy willing me to say it enough so I would believe it.

you can have all this world, give me Jesus

My hearts desire

Everything isn’t all of sudden perfect, God didn’t perform some magic trick and all of sudden my life was golden. God didn’t make the pain go away. But what God did was remove the hopelessness from my heart and replace it with peace. God gave me strength to wake-up and accomplish the tasks before me with a clear mind, I still cried when I laid down, but I got shit done. God gave me a song and he softened my heart and I was able to let go of my pride.

I don’t know how tomorrow is going to look like but today, I am okay. I am okay with the mess and the tears. I am okay with the sadness, and hopeful that it will pass. I am okay with the fact that tomorrow might be a struggle but thankful that God is already there waiting to meet me and hold me.

God is good. I am thankful that I know this truth…

You have no rival, You have no equal, now and forever God you reign. Yours is the kingdom. Yours is the glory. Yours is the name above all names.

I just pray peace over anyone who stumbles on this post. I pray for peace and grace in whatever situation you’re going through. I pray the Lord will give you rest, and that you find joy in the morning.

 

 

Book Review:UNDER THE UDALA TREES by Chinelo Okparanta

under the udala trees chinelo okparanta
image via google

*THE Oprah Winfrey said, you know a book is a good book when the first few sentences captures your attention or something along those lines, so that is how I will begin this book review. Because what Oprah says, is what I will do*

First few sentences

      Midway between Old Oba-Nnewi Road and New Oba-Nnewi Road, in that general area bound by the village church and the primary school, and where Mmiri John Road drops off only to begin again stood our house in Ojoto . . . It was 1967 when the war barged in and installed itself all over the place. By 1968, the whole of Ojoto had begun pulsing with the rukus of armored cras and shelling machines, bomber planes and their loud engines sending shock waves through our ears …

Summary

Chinelo Okparanta begins the story in 1968 during the Biafra war. We are introduced to Ijeoma, the main character when she was about 8 years old, when her family was torn apart because of the war. Ijeoma went on to stay with a family friend and there met her first love. Her first love happened to be hausa, an ethnic group shunned by the igbos and not only was her first love hausa, Ijeoma’s first love was also a girl. Chinelo tells a heartbreaking story about being homesexual in Africa, Nigeria to be exact, and ethnocentrism as well as religion and its impact in Nigeria. But she also relays the message about love being the same whether its with the same sex or opposite.

My thoughts

Can I start by saying how fearless I think Chinelo Okparanta is for writing this book. This is the second book I’ve read which focused on the LGBTQ communty in Africa and I think this is so because no one wants to write about it or afraid to write about it.

When I began reading the book, I thought it was just going to be another book about the Biafra war and I was interested in seeing another writers perspective about the war. But it was very unexpected when it turned into this painful self-discovery and love story with attention to how some or most homosexuals are treated in Nigeria. I especially loved how Chinelo made Ijeoma’s love story relatable. Most of us have all fallen in love with someone we shouldn’t have, unrequitted love and sometimes settling for what society wants. I also really liked the truth in this book. How we as human beings treat people who are different from us and how some Christians act like they are God themselvs and judge people so harshly.

It took me a few chapters to adjust to Chinelo’s style of writing because at times, it appeared all over the place and she used a lot of words. But once I got used to it the reading was very easy and actually began looking forward to the way she takes her readers to 3 different time eras in once chapter.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this book

Favorite quotes

” If God dishes you rice in a basket…do not wish for soup.”

“Maybe sometimes it’s worth it to go around in circles. Maybe you learn more lessons that way.”

“some people, you wonder if God was sleeping when he made them. But you, you are beautiful. God was definitely not sleeping when He made you.”

” too much ceremony has a way of taking the life, taking the joy, out of what is being celebrated.”