Tag Archives: relationships

For the Single Person on Valentine’s Day

I was wrestling with writing about this topic because I am not sure what the purpose of it would be for you all and I don’t really think I am the person to write about this, at this time. But it HAS been on my heart to write about singleness and I think the day before Valentines Day is a good time.

In the last month or so, I have been fighting with the temptation of settling into a relationship, any relationship. For me settling looks like being with a man just to say I have a man, and that being the sole reason.  My intention was to dismiss the things I care about having in a partner and just be with someone, anyone, who liked me enough and that I could tolerate. I was going to let go of the idea of:

  • having someone I can laugh with
  • someone I have chemistry with
  • someone I can share my bathroom expeditions with (TMI)
  • someone who can pray over me
  • someone who can be compassionate to how I am wired.
  • Someone who teaches me about boldness
  • and someone whose relationship with God is evident, etc…

if you find anyone like this, send them to me!

I didn’t care about any of these things, I just wanted someone, anyone. Besides not caring about these things, I think the root of it all was, that I did’t REALLY BELIEVE that God could give me my heart desire.

I was talking to one of my good friends a few weeks ago (shout out to my peanut butter) about settling in a relationship and it literally scared the heck out of me. I kept telling my friend how I cannot wrap my head around that idea, honestly just thinking about it right now, is giving me “low-key” anxiety. But I am so grateful for the people God has placed in my life and the friend I am referring to just simply told me, “you don’t need to settle. Don’t settle. Just focus on having a really good year” I think I needed that assurance that I didn’t need to settle and it is okay to BE single and there is purpose in singleness.

Look ,I am not here to glorify singleness, because to be frank, it SUCKS! for lack of a better word. It is sometimes painful and it is lonely.

But for me, singleness has really opened my eyes to see the things that God wants to change and do in my life. I’ll list a few:

  • I think God wants to break my pattern of attachment to things outside of Him. Loving someone isn’t bad in itself, its actually a really beautiful thing, but loving someone MORE than The Creator is bad. I think God wants me to know that life is in Him alone.
  • I think God wants to heal me and piece together all my brokenness and MESS.
  • I think God wants me to work on my relationships with my family and form deep friendships. In the past, I’ve only opened up to people I was romantically involved with and failed at having meaningful friendships. I think God wants to fix that.
  • I think God wants to give me joy that can only be found in Him.

I want all these things I mentioned above to happen before I actually get in a relationship. OR I only want God to bring someone in my life who will help me advance in my pursuit of God.

I don’t know what to tell you to make singleness look appealing or even tolerable, because it isn’t for those of us who desire romantic relationship. But I think this season can worth while if it is used wisely and there is less sulking. (the sulking part is definitely for me!)

But, I do pray that you find ease for the lonely nights, ease for when you see all the engagements photos on facebook (should we just delete facebook?), ease for when you are consumed by the failures of past relationships, and ease on valentines day. I pray that you see all that God is showing you and doing in you. 

Most importantly, we are so loved. So deeply. And we know this by just looking at the cross. We know this because Jesus died for us. He chose to die than to leave us in darkness. I am chosen. You are chosen. What a freaking revelation! For me, that is all I’ve ever wanted, to be chosen. I am.

If you’re an unbeliever, this is probably such a hard concept to grasp. It is for us Christians too, don’t worry. But it is the truth, so I hope you can at least rest in that for the days you feel unloved.

Lastly, don’t be bitter and jealous of the people that have partners. Really wish them well. I think bitterness clouds our minds and hearts and prevent good things from penetrating in. So if you feel any kind of bitterness, pray about it don’t mock or speak ill of others romantic relationship.

If you are struggling with singleness and really seeing God at this time, I’ll really love to pray for you. Or if you have any other prayer request, I’ll love to pray for you. I think my email is in my contacts. You can also DM me on INSTAGRAM @yaa_tekyiwaa

How are you dealing with being single? are you dreading valentines day?

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January 2018 wrap up+Life Lately

this is a long one.

I’m having one of those sleepless nights and I figured why not write my last post for January 2018. I really wasn’t planning on writing this because I genuinely do not know where January went. People keep complaining about how long January has been and I’m saying to myself, “I can’t relate fam!!” I wish the days were longer.

I am also writing to attend to my heart. I’ve just been on the go about a certain specific thing and just focused on that so much that, I’ve literally put “all the feels” away. I think that it has finally caught up with me, hence why I am up writing  this late. I’m sure I will be back focusing on “tasks” tomorrow. But this morning, lets share all the feels.

life lately

  • I am really struggling to trust right now. I don’t really have much to say on this but the fact that I am. I don’t really like the feeling. I’m struggling with people taking their words lightly on very important issues. My biggest dilemma is figuring out if someone is not trustworthy based on one instance, thus completely disqualifying them from the people you are vulnerable with or to take the one instance for what it was as one and not hold it over the person head. I’m leaning more towards the latter.  But if you can’t trust someone with your heart, can you really trust them with anything else? I don’t know. I’m still figuring things out.
  • I probably won’t be blogging as much in February if at all because I have like 3 big things coming up that is absolutely freaking me out but I am also excited about. I cannot wait to share.
  • I’ve been thinking a lot about how my life would be if I never have a partner. There is nothing written anywhere that that we will all find someone, but for me, I’ve always thought I would, so I always look forward to that day. But the truth is, that day might never come and I still have to carry on and carry on well. So, lately, I’ve been trying to decide what living well by myself will look like. I want reach a place where I have this solid balance of joy in singleness and hope in meeting my person.
  • everything rides on hope now, everything rides on faith somehow, when the world has broken me down, Your love sets me free- Addison Road

  • Lately, I’ve just been baffled with the idea of people thinking they are helping but in reality they are not. For an example, a random example… someone will say to an alcoholic, “I am not drinking alcohol in front of you because I don’t want you to relapse.” This isn’t bad in itself, but the baffling thing for me is that the person made this decision all on their own without consulting the person they THINK they are helping. I guess instead of assuming you know what is best for someone, just ask, “how can I help you? how can I make things easier for you? would it help if I did this thing or that thing?” People need to just ask. You don’t make decisions for people without their knowledge. I’ve just been feeling or seeing that in my own life and I am annoyed by the arrogance.
  • I am interested in starting a separate natural hair blog, please don’t roll your eyes because I too know there are already many out there. But the many doesn’t include type 4 naturals or kinkier textured hair type, so I want to fill that space. I am thinking more about it and if I decide, it will probably launch by summer time. And yay for me, I will have access to my friends who can take pictures of me. I’m pretty sure I am going to annoy them but eh…
  • Lately, I’ve been trying to be more cheerful, you know live a yellow-ass life but I feel like I am doing it the wrong way. I’m pushing things aside, pretending I don’t feel certain things and just feeling good on the surface. I want to find a way to be authentic about where my heart truly is yet cheerful. 
  • Lately, I’ve been listening to some really good “new” music- new as in, new to me. I don’t really share my love for music here but it really gives me so much joy. Like I can hear a tune and just feel so grateful for music and that I can hear it. hmmm.
  • I also made a basic vision board. But I like being basic because it encompasses how I want my life to be. YELLOW. I’m going to be buying a lot of yellow things in the next few months. hahaha because why not?

  • Lately, I’ve been thinking about death and how in most cases it happens without notice. It reminds me that negative feelings, especially about people do not matter. Why be upset with someone when you can love on them? or even more important why lose your peace because of anger towards someone? Don’t get me wrong, most feelings are valid, but I guess when I think of death, some of the feelings seem like wasted energy. It is also pushing me to attend to things that I am passionate about. But right now, in this moment, I can say that I am not afraid of death. I just want to live with the knowledge that I can die at any moment and that while I am life I am called to live fully. I think sometimes, for most of us, we don’t live the life we want because we think we have time. But we don’t. Right now, I am trying to figure out the life that I want then I am going to pursue it like I know my death is imminent. This is not meant to sound morbid, but really think about it, how would you live your life differently if you accept the fact that you don’t really have a lot of time on this earth. Who would you surround yourself with? where would you go? what would you do with your money? what career would you pursue?

January goals

  • Read the book of common prayers everyday
    • This did not happen. I went strong for about 20 days then I started reading other plans that were needed for that time.
  • Go to the gym at least twice a week
    • This also didn’t happen. I did go 4/8 times. My bank account probably laughs at me every time I complain about money because it sees me just throwing it away to my gym membership. Fix it Jesus
  • Read 2 books
    • Listen, I started 3 books. I didn’t finish any. Why am I like this?
  • Drink more water
    • did that
  • No fast food….Ahhhhh I just thought of chick Fil a. Maybe be just once this month?
    • Prior to making this a goal, I wasn’t really frequenting fast food joints “like that” so I thought this was going to be easy. I had fast food so many times I literally lost count.
  • Visit my nephew and niece at least 4 times this month
    • This didn’t happen either. I did “run” into them once and my niece was asking me not to go. I’m a really crappy aunt. I need to spend more time with them.
  • Pray for people every Sunday I go to church despite how I’m feeling emotionally
    • check

I am not really setting any goals for February because as mentioned, I have a couple of big things coming up and I just want to focus on that for now. But I may write a blog post here and there when I feel inclined to. But will be back to regular posting in the later part of March.

How has life been for you lately? How are your goals coming along?

True Life: I am unloveable

For so many years I’ve really struggled with feeling unloveable. Being loveable is defined as having qualities that attract love. Most people I’ve liked or loved I’ve felt have abandoned me and anytime someone walked away from me I’ve always felt like it was something I did. I started telling myself maybe I am unloveable when I was quite young based on certain things around me that I don’t feel like disclosing. Through out the years I’ve wondered;

  • why couldn’t they speak nicer to me?
  • why didn’t they see my struggles?
  • why did they cheat on me?
  • why did they not want to protect me?
  • why couldn’t they move because of me?
  • why couldn’t they watch that show because of me?
  • why couldn’t the love me?
  • why couldn’t they choose me?
  • why couldn’t they commit to me?
  • why was it so easy to walk away?
  • why did they think I deserve the hurt?
  • why did they think that I didn’t need help?
  • why weren’t they willing to fight for me?
  • why wasn’t I enough?

These are questions that have plagued my mind for so many years and I’ve really try to battle it and reassure myself that, even if no one loves me, even if I am unloveable, God loves me and that should be enough.

Today, it wasn’t.

For the last few days, I’ve been thinking about how I’ve made people treat me the way they have or do. I want to know what it is about me that make people not want to love me. It is such a painful state to be in. I keep comparing myself to people just wondering what it is about them that make them more loveable than me? what can I do better? how can I act better? do I need to be less emotional? do I need to be more chatty? What exactly do I need to do?

I know some of these feelings are exaggerated by the enemy but I keep thinking there must be some truth to all of this. I think all the surface, people might think there is something to love about me but when they really get to know me and see who I really am, I become unloveable.

At this point I am really scared to get to close to anyone or I’m scared of being known. I want to keep people far away from me so they can see me in the loveable light.

I am not sure how to make myself more loveable.

I want be loved.

I want to chosen.

I want God to be enough even if that never happens.

Do you ever feel or have you ever felt that you’re unloveable? How did you deal with it? and you fight back that thought? How did you or how are you working on becoming loveable?

**loveable is an older spelling of lovable. so I can spell! sometimes!*