Tag Archives: personal

For the Single Person on Valentine’s Day

I was wrestling with writing about this topic because I am not sure what the purpose of it would be for you all and I don’t really think I am the person to write about this, at this time. But it HAS been on my heart to write about singleness and I think the day before Valentines Day is a good time.

In the last month or so, I have been fighting with the temptation of settling into a relationship, any relationship. For me settling looks like being with a man just to say I have a man, and that being the sole reason.  My intention was to dismiss the things I care about having in a partner and just be with someone, anyone, who liked me enough and that I could tolerate. I was going to let go of the idea of:

  • having someone I can laugh with
  • someone I have chemistry with
  • someone I can share my bathroom expeditions with (TMI)
  • someone who can pray over me
  • someone who can be compassionate to how I am wired.
  • Someone who teaches me about boldness
  • and someone whose relationship with God is evident, etc…

if you find anyone like this, send them to me!

I didn’t care about any of these things, I just wanted someone, anyone. Besides not caring about these things, I think the root of it all was, that I did’t REALLY BELIEVE that God could give me my heart desire.

I was talking to one of my good friends a few weeks ago (shout out to my peanut butter) about settling in a relationship and it literally scared the heck out of me. I kept telling my friend how I cannot wrap my head around that idea, honestly just thinking about it right now, is giving me “low-key” anxiety. But I am so grateful for the people God has placed in my life and the friend I am referring to just simply told me, “you don’t need to settle. Don’t settle. Just focus on having a really good year” I think I needed that assurance that I didn’t need to settle and it is okay to BE single and there is purpose in singleness.

Look ,I am not here to glorify singleness, because to be frank, it SUCKS! for lack of a better word. It is sometimes painful and it is lonely.

But for me, singleness has really opened my eyes to see the things that God wants to change and do in my life. I’ll list a few:

  • I think God wants to break my pattern of attachment to things outside of Him. Loving someone isn’t bad in itself, its actually a really beautiful thing, but loving someone MORE than The Creator is bad. I think God wants me to know that life is in Him alone.
  • I think God wants to heal me and piece together all my brokenness and MESS.
  • I think God wants me to work on my relationships with my family and form deep friendships. In the past, I’ve only opened up to people I was romantically involved with and failed at having meaningful friendships. I think God wants to fix that.
  • I think God wants to give me joy that can only be found in Him.

I want all these things I mentioned above to happen before I actually get in a relationship. OR I only want God to bring someone in my life who will help me advance in my pursuit of God.

I don’t know what to tell you to make singleness look appealing or even tolerable, because it isn’t for those of us who desire romantic relationship. But I think this season can worth while if it is used wisely and there is less sulking. (the sulking part is definitely for me!)

But, I do pray that you find ease for the lonely nights, ease for when you see all the engagements photos on facebook (should we just delete facebook?), ease for when you are consumed by the failures of past relationships, and ease on valentines day. I pray that you see all that God is showing you and doing in you. 

Most importantly, we are so loved. So deeply. And we know this by just looking at the cross. We know this because Jesus died for us. He chose to die than to leave us in darkness. I am chosen. You are chosen. What a freaking revelation! For me, that is all I’ve ever wanted, to be chosen. I am.

If you’re an unbeliever, this is probably such a hard concept to grasp. It is for us Christians too, don’t worry. But it is the truth, so I hope you can at least rest in that for the days you feel unloved.

Lastly, don’t be bitter and jealous of the people that have partners. Really wish them well. I think bitterness clouds our minds and hearts and prevent good things from penetrating in. So if you feel any kind of bitterness, pray about it don’t mock or speak ill of others romantic relationship.

If you are struggling with singleness and really seeing God at this time, I’ll really love to pray for you. Or if you have any other prayer request, I’ll love to pray for you. I think my email is in my contacts. You can also DM me on INSTAGRAM @yaa_tekyiwaa

How are you dealing with being single? are you dreading valentines day?

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Self-worth and being busy

I walked into my room and I said to myself, “today was a good day.” Then I started listing all things I got done and I felt really really good.

It reminded me of when I was in undergrad when I would  pull all nighters and brag about my lack of sleep. I would have this feeling of accomplishment, of pride and just happiness because indeed, I was getting shit done. I felt that today. Today, I got shit done and I enjoyed every bit of it. It made me feel good telling people that I’ve been up since 4:00AM and I’ve had such and such amount of coffee and energy drinks, and look at me I am so tired. Ugh I am so tired.

After I had settled down, I started thinking, what is it about us as people that make us feel like over working ourselves is something to boast off. In my eyes, it isn’t. This isn’t for the people who NEED to work those multiple jobs or HAVE to work those long shifts.If this is you, I pray you get a break and get to relax soon.

I am talking about those of us whose sense of worth comes from checking things of our to do list. I’m talking about those of us who just keep going and going for the extra money or position but don’t take the time to enjoy the fruit of our labor. There are some of us who think that we should save all of our money and maybe when we retire, we can finally enjoy. I fit into all these boxes, but the fact of the matter is we aren’t going to live forever. Some of us may never reach retirement. I’m not trying to be morbid and I am not encouraging wastefulness and laziness. Far from that.

I want us to wake up early to get things done but at least use 30 minutes or one hour for a special breakfast if that’s what you’re into or just 30 minutes of playing your favorite songs. Just to pause before you start looking at that to-do list.

Everything I did today had to be done and I am happy I was able to them. But my happiness shouldn’t come from busyness. Overworking myself isn’t something to be proud of. I do not need to do it all to feel like, compared to other, I am not lazy. I know the type of life I want and it is not one of busyness and checking of tasks.

The life I want is a slow and simple one and I really want to focus on that. Really pursue it. I am not going to feel bad for needing a break or guilty for not checking off everything on my list. I am going to prioritize and do what NEEDS to be done and leave it at that and at least do ONE thing for me every week (baby steps huh?) . I will not take pride in getting things done.

Do you feel like you have to busy all the time?

True Life: I struggle with my faith

It is really hard for me to write this because this isn’t what people expect from “faith and lifestyle blog.” It is hard for me to write this because I feel like I’m a liar and people will question my faithfulness. But the truth is, I have been struggling with my faith.

I started out the year with a bang really, well for me at least it was. Deciding that I was going to be hopeful was such a bold step for me because I knew it was going to require me to put myself out there and face the world as is while fulling trusting God. Trusting Him as Infinite Wisdom and Infinite Goodness. But, I have not been feeling like God is good. I am struggling to believe in His goodness.

I think I shared a few posts back that one thing that rescued me from last years tragedy (I’m dramatic) was experiencing God as good. For me, that meant nearness and this un-explainable peace even when I was falling apart and thinking life wasn’t worth living. But a few weeks into this new year, I find myself doubting that He is really good.

give me faith, to trust what You say, that You’re good and Your love is great…

It is uncomfortable for me to admit that I am struggling with my faith because it feels like I am disappointing someone. I look at all these other faith bloggers and I am amazed by their faith and courage and how they live out the Christian walk and I look at me and I don’t feel as strong. I am not full of faith.

I am still the person people look at and say, “have more faith.” I want to be the person people look at and are inspired by her faith.

Right now, my position is that, If He is good, He need to show that He is good. If He is Sovereign, He needs to show His sovereignty. etc… I need God to be LORD. The I AM. He just needs to BE!!

Do you struggle with your faith sometimes?