it’s not the time to lie down and die

I just want to say that over and over again over my life and really to anyone going through a bitter season right now. I understand all too well how life can be so wicked and how your joy can be stolen. But hear me when I say this..

now, is not the time to lie down and die- Kristen Demarco

Go through whatever you need to go through. Cry those tears. Turn off that phone. Argue with God. Feel the pain. Really feel the pain. Call the friends that will speak truth into your life. mourn the loss. feel the disappointment. But carry on.

I won’t even say take it day by day because sometimes even that seem impossible. So I’ll say push through every hour. Really. Get though the morning, then the afternoon, soon you will be wrapping up the day. But whatever you do, do not let your pain overcome you.

do not let your pain overcome you

I just had to say that a little a bit louder for the people in the back and to my very own stubborn heart.

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Life Lately: Autumn 2017

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I have been wanting to write a post for a while now but I have not been able to bring myself to it. For me, when I step away from something for so long, I usually do not know how to come back to it. But I’m doing it. I am writing again. And I am so glad about it.

Autumn really awakens my soul. So, although I have been MIA all summer, now, feels like a good time to begin writing again. Autumn in a way is my New Year.

Life has been, well you know… you probably don’t know, but I can’t seem to find the words to define how life has been lately. Its been really bitter, but with hints of sweetness.

These past few months were a really bitter season for me. One of the most unimaginable things happened to me and I simply couldn’t take it. I went through a terrible season of depression where I literally felt that there was no reason to live. I was down for months, randomly crying in public places, battling with my weight, and just experiencing really deep sadness. I didn’t think I was going to survive. I do not exaggerate when I tell you this, I had never felt such pain in my entire life.

But rose my friends and family. The sweet. In the midst of this deep sadness, came deep relationships. The sweetest of them all being with my Heavenly Father.

taste and see that the Lord is good

I don’t want to be preachy, but God really showed up in my pain. He didn’t take away the pain or even ease it as quickly as I would have liked, because to be honest, as I write this instant, I feel a ping of it lingering. What God did do, was show up. Be with me. I experienced the companionship of the Holy Spirit and it was so near, so real. I discovered there is evil in the world, but it doesn’t go unseen by our good Father. He is well aware, and His Kingdom will surely come and He would make all things right. So I knew, even if I feel pain, for as long as I live, when I am resurrected and when the Kingdom has come, I will feel that pain no more. So, pain is temporary. This might not sound hopeful because we are mortals and we cannot see the big picture, so we will continue to seek relief from pain, as we should, in the right way. But I just wanted to share this truth that, when the Kingdom of God comes, nothing else would matter, so if you are going through a tough time, rest in that! I also know that this is easier said than done.

Life lately has consisted of a lot of tears and praying. But I am so glad to be blogging again. I have book reviews for you all and so many feels to write about.

for such a time as this

How has life been for you lately?

 

may joy meet you in the morning

IMG_1982 (2)Happy New Month

early in the morning, I will celebrate the light, when I stumble in the darkness, I will call Your name by night

In my last post I wrote about how tough the last few weeks have been, you can read about it HERE. Usually, I leave it all here and don’t come back to tell about my okay days, and the mornings when joy met me by the time my feet touched the floor.

God has been showing up

But in unexpected ways.

At my lowest, sometime last week, I kept repeating to myself, ” I have no one, I absolutely have no one.” but I know this is a lie. There was this battle in my heart, where I wanted to keep saying “I have no one” but I felt in my heart that i really didn’t believe it and it was the enemy willing me to say it enough so I would believe it.

you can have all this world, give me Jesus

My hearts desire

Everything isn’t all of sudden perfect, God didn’t perform some magic trick and all of sudden my life was golden. God didn’t make the pain go away. But what God did was remove the hopelessness from my heart and replace it with peace. God gave me strength to wake-up and accomplish the tasks before me with a clear mind, I still cried when I laid down, but I got shit done. God gave me a song and he softened my heart and I was able to let go of my pride.

I don’t know how tomorrow is going to look like but today, I am okay. I am okay with the mess and the tears. I am okay with the sadness, and hopeful that it will pass. I am okay with the fact that tomorrow might be a struggle but thankful that God is already there waiting to meet me and hold me.

God is good. I am thankful that I know this truth…

You have no rival, You have no equal, now and forever God you reign. Yours is the kingdom. Yours is the glory. Yours is the name above all names.

I just pray peace over anyone who stumbles on this post. I pray for peace and grace in whatever situation you’re going through. I pray the Lord will give you rest, and that you find joy in the morning.