may joy meet you in the morning

IMG_1982 (2)Happy New Month

early in the morning, I will celebrate the light, when I stumble in the darkness, I will call Your name by night

In my last post I wrote about how tough the last few weeks have been, you can read about it HERE. Usually, I leave it all here and don’t come back to tell about my okay days, and the mornings when joy met me by the time my feet touched the floor.

God has been showing up

But in unexpected ways.

At my lowest, sometime last week, I kept repeating to myself, ” I have no one, I absolutely have no one.” but I know this is a lie. There was this battle in my heart, where I wanted to keep saying “I have no one” but I felt in my heart that i really didn’t believe it and it was the enemy willing me to say it enough so I would believe it.

you can have all this world, give me Jesus

My hearts desire

Everything isn’t all of sudden perfect, God didn’t perform some magic trick and all of sudden my life was golden. God didn’t make the pain go away. But what God did was remove the hopelessness from my heart and replace it with peace. God gave me strength to wake-up and accomplish the tasks before me with a clear mind, I still cried when I laid down, but I got shit done. God gave me a song and he softened my heart and I was able to let go of my pride.

I don’t know how tomorrow is going to look like but today, I am okay. I am okay with the mess and the tears. I am okay with the sadness, and hopeful that it will pass. I am okay with the fact that tomorrow might be a struggle but thankful that God is already there waiting to meet me and hold me.

God is good. I am thankful that I know this truth…

You have no rival, You have no equal, now and forever God you reign. Yours is the kingdom. Yours is the glory. Yours is the name above all names.

I just pray peace over anyone who stumbles on this post. I pray for peace and grace in whatever situation you’re going through. I pray the Lord will give you rest, and that you find joy in the morning.



God might lead me on the wrong path


To the best of my memory, I have never really asked the question, “what is my purpose?” or “God, what is Your will for me?” I have planned my life by myself along with other people that I’ve wanted to please, but I have never included God. I naturally assume that God will work with me in whatever decision I make. I thought the Almighty God would work with MY decisions, MY path, MY choices, MY will. With everything I’ve done, I’ve always thought, God would meet me, I’ve never asked God to lead. Even when it come to dating in the past, I thought I got to pick the guy AND THEN God would mold him to be the right guy for me. My brain never thought to ask God to select the guy for me. Silly brain! IMG_3950

Weeks ago, before I went to bed, I felt so empty and unfulfilled in so many areas of my life. My decisions felt empty, my thoughts felt empty, my heart felt empty. I kept repeating to myself, this can’t be it, this isn’t the life the Lord of my life wants for me. I’m not sure what I think God’s plans are for me but I am certain that it isn’t a life of emptiness. My church is going through this FULLY ALIVE campaign, 3 weeks in and I’ve never felt emptier. It’s one thing for things to be bad but unsettling to feel great emptiness. At least with bad things, there is hope because “fixing” is possible due to being able to pinpoint what the problem is. With emptiness, there is nothing to point to, because there is nothing there, the space is bare and open. IMG_3948

I’ve been scared to ask God about the plans He has for me because I think He might send me on this crazy, difficult path that I am not ready for or simply don’t want to embark on. This maybe against the Christian norm, but I haven’t given God absolute control because I am afraid He might choose the wrong road. Nice! What a way to question the God i just referred to as Lord of my life. But this is my truth. I am afraid. IMG_3936IMG_3938

Really think about anyone you know who have completely let go, and let God. These people’s stories started out easy and comfortable but most of them are now in some remote village without electricity preaching the word or church planting. Some of them had to give up lucrative jobs and abandon their lavish lifestyle to serve in the youth ministry at church or go teach in dangerous communities and support children who are struggling academically. I’m not about no hard life!no thank you! I’m afraid that God will do that to me. Do I sound ridiculous yet? Can I officially declare this space, no judgment zone? I don’t want the work, but I want the joy and fulfillment they’ve found allowing God to have absolute control over their lives. Which leads me to this… IMG_3942

lately, I’ve been asking God about His will for me and for Him to use me in anyway. I want a Christ-like purpose. This is not the part I say my life has changed since I asked that question. This is not that kind of story, but I hope for it to be just that SOON. At this point I’m doing what most Christians do when we know we don’t know what to do with the free will God has given us. When we realize we cannot control our lives, that it is too much of a task and so we loosen our grip just a little on the rope that is holding up our lives and just ask God to help us or just lead us. I chose the phrase loosen our grip instead releasing because I am not there yet. But that is okay. Tomorrow maybe different and I may sing “I surrender all,” but that isn’t the case today. I still feel the emptiness. But I know God knows the depths of my heart and knows that I am working on releasing, but on till then, I know God is helping me and is guiding me, so I’m loosing in my grip.

How is life going for you?

Why do Christians celebrate Christmas?


Dramatic sigh

Year after year, AFTER year, Christians find a way to argue about Christmas. This year, I am over it and after this post I am done talking about it. The argument is that Christmas is pagan holiday and “true” Christians shouldn’t participate.

Christmas is a pagan holiday

For our purposes, a pagan is someone who is not a Christian and worship several gods. For example, they have a god of the sun, god of the moon, god of the trees, and etc… Christians believe in one God who rules over everything and is everything.

Christmas came about around 300 A.D (don’t quote me on this) when the Christians in Rome were tired of the pagans celebrating their gods. The early Christians didn’t want to join with the pagans as they worshipped their gods so they decided to have their own celebration to celebrate the son of God. In attempt of doing that, they picked some of the pagan practices like gift giving and ornaments and lights and such. Also, most of the pagan holidays fell around the end of December, thus the celebration in December.

Jesus born on December 25th

No one can really know the date which Jesus was born, after all the calendar we use now was not invented during Christ’s birth. But many theologians say that Jesus could have been born around the spring time, so we are looking at February, March and April. We don’t know for certain right?!

Romans 14

The gist of Romans 14 in one sentence is that, Christians need to allow their fellow Christians to be. Although its main focus is on food and days I think it can translate to other things Christians disagree on. It states that if someone is fully convinced that eating certain things is okay and they thank God for that food, the other person who doesn’t eat such thing has no right to judge that person because they do it to glorify God. Along the same lines, the person who eats everything shouldn’t condemn the one who believes they shouldn’t eat certain things.

Many Christians celebrate Christmas for several reasons. Some knowing that it isn’t Jesus birthday still celebrate it as such because they feel the need for celebrating the time the Savior entered the world. I’m sure those people will celebrate it March 16th if it was decided that was the right time. It’s my belief that they do not care about the date but the reason. Some may celebrate Christmas because it’s just a reason for their families to get together since we all have very busy lives. Because of Christmas people have days of work and school and just free time to be with their family, friends, or by themselves. Some people may celebrate because it is simply something to do. Whatever reasons people celebrate Christmas is their own.

Like I said above, some Christians although knowing the history of Christmas choose to celebrate it because to them, they are celebrating the son of God- it is well. Some Christians are also convicted that they shouldn’t celebrate Christmas- it is well.

Why I am done with this argument

For us Christians there are certain truths we must accept due to the fact that it is the foundation of our faith. Christmas isn’t one of those fundamental truths. It just isn’t. We do not need to argue about something that doesn’t bring us any closer to God. With arguments such as these we force people to adopt our convictions, which as a result create liars out of them. Our convictions are our own and there isn’t a need to make people feel bad about whether or not the celebrate Christmas. I think these convictions should be kept to ourselves and only shared to have a discussion not to have an argument.

So my response to any Christmas argument is “live your life however the Spirit leads you.” The Holy Spirit won’t lead you astray and everything will come from a place love, peace and righteousness. Oh and priority! Celebrating Christmas or lack of isn’t the way to salvation! Just saying!

Do you celebrate Christmas?