Tag Archives: books

January 2018 wrap up+Life Lately

this is a long one.

I’m having one of those sleepless nights and I figured why not write my last post for January 2018. I really wasn’t planning on writing this because I genuinely do not know where January went. People keep complaining about how long January has been and I’m saying to myself, “I can’t relate fam!!” I wish the days were longer.

I am also writing to attend to my heart. I’ve just been on the go about a certain specific thing and just focused on that so much that, I’ve literally put “all the feels” away. I think that it has finally caught up with me, hence why I am up writing  this late. I’m sure I will be back focusing on “tasks” tomorrow. But this morning, lets share all the feels.

life lately

  • I am really struggling to trust right now. I don’t really have much to say on this but the fact that I am. I don’t really like the feeling. I’m struggling with people taking their words lightly on very important issues. My biggest dilemma is figuring out if someone is not trustworthy based on one instance, thus completely disqualifying them from the people you are vulnerable with or to take the one instance for what it was as one and not hold it over the person head. I’m leaning more towards the latter.  But if you can’t trust someone with your heart, can you really trust them with anything else? I don’t know. I’m still figuring things out.
  • I probably won’t be blogging as much in February if at all because I have like 3 big things coming up that is absolutely freaking me out but I am also excited about. I cannot wait to share.
  • I’ve been thinking a lot about how my life would be if I never have a partner. There is nothing written anywhere that that we will all find someone, but for me, I’ve always thought I would, so I always look forward to that day. But the truth is, that day might never come and I still have to carry on and carry on well. So, lately, I’ve been trying to decide what living well by myself will look like. I want reach a place where I have this solid balance of joy in singleness and hope in meeting my person.
  • everything rides on hope now, everything rides on faith somehow, when the world has broken me down, Your love sets me free- Addison Road

  • Lately, I’ve just been baffled with the idea of people thinking they are helping but in reality they are not. For an example, a random example… someone will say to an alcoholic, “I am not drinking alcohol in front of you because I don’t want you to relapse.” This isn’t bad in itself, but the baffling thing for me is that the person made this decision all on their own without consulting the person they THINK they are helping. I guess instead of assuming you know what is best for someone, just ask, “how can I help you? how can I make things easier for you? would it help if I did this thing or that thing?” People need to just ask. You don’t make decisions for people without their knowledge. I’ve just been feeling or seeing that in my own life and I am annoyed by the arrogance.
  • I am interested in starting a separate natural hair blog, please don’t roll your eyes because I too know there are already many out there. But the many doesn’t include type 4 naturals or kinkier textured hair type, so I want to fill that space. I am thinking more about it and if I decide, it will probably launch by summer time. And yay for me, I will have access to my friends who can take pictures of me. I’m pretty sure I am going to annoy them but eh…
  • Lately, I’ve been trying to be more cheerful, you know live a yellow-ass life but I feel like I am doing it the wrong way. I’m pushing things aside, pretending I don’t feel certain things and just feeling good on the surface. I want to find a way to be authentic about where my heart truly is yet cheerful. 
  • Lately, I’ve been listening to some really good “new” music- new as in, new to me. I don’t really share my love for music here but it really gives me so much joy. Like I can hear a tune and just feel so grateful for music and that I can hear it. hmmm.
  • I also made a basic vision board. But I like being basic because it encompasses how I want my life to be. YELLOW. I’m going to be buying a lot of yellow things in the next few months. hahaha because why not?

  • Lately, I’ve been thinking about death and how in most cases it happens without notice. It reminds me that negative feelings, especially about people do not matter. Why be upset with someone when you can love on them? or even more important why lose your peace because of anger towards someone? Don’t get me wrong, most feelings are valid, but I guess when I think of death, some of the feelings seem like wasted energy. It is also pushing me to attend to things that I am passionate about. But right now, in this moment, I can say that I am not afraid of death. I just want to live with the knowledge that I can die at any moment and that while I am life I am called to live fully. I think sometimes, for most of us, we don’t live the life we want because we think we have time. But we don’t. Right now, I am trying to figure out the life that I want then I am going to pursue it like I know my death is imminent. This is not meant to sound morbid, but really think about it, how would you live your life differently if you accept the fact that you don’t really have a lot of time on this earth. Who would you surround yourself with? where would you go? what would you do with your money? what career would you pursue?

January goals

  • Read the book of common prayers everyday
    • This did not happen. I went strong for about 20 days then I started reading other plans that were needed for that time.
  • Go to the gym at least twice a week
    • This also didn’t happen. I did go 4/8 times. My bank account probably laughs at me every time I complain about money because it sees me just throwing it away to my gym membership. Fix it Jesus
  • Read 2 books
    • Listen, I started 3 books. I didn’t finish any. Why am I like this?
  • Drink more water
    • did that
  • No fast food….Ahhhhh I just thought of chick Fil a. Maybe be just once this month?
    • Prior to making this a goal, I wasn’t really frequenting fast food joints “like that” so I thought this was going to be easy. I had fast food so many times I literally lost count.
  • Visit my nephew and niece at least 4 times this month
    • This didn’t happen either. I did “run” into them once and my niece was asking me not to go. I’m a really crappy aunt. I need to spend more time with them.
  • Pray for people every Sunday I go to church despite how I’m feeling emotionally
    • check

I am not really setting any goals for February because as mentioned, I have a couple of big things coming up and I just want to focus on that for now. But I may write a blog post here and there when I feel inclined to. But will be back to regular posting in the later part of March.

How has life been for you lately? How are your goals coming along?

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A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

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Summary

Born a generation apart and with very different ideas about love and family, Mariam and Laila are two women brought jarringly together by war, by loss and by fate. As they endure the ever escalating dangers around them—in their home as well as in the streets of Kabul—they come to form a bond that makes them both sisters and mother-daughter to each other, and that will ulti …more

My Thoughts

you are the noor in my eyes and the sultan of my heart.

One of my favorite things about the books were all the potential quotes I can write out and use. It was so full of wisdom. Lets get into the book then…

This book completely rocked my world. The novel is a fictional work but the historical events are not which makes me think that it is possible that people actually went through what the characters in the book endured.

I felt for Mariam’s character the most because even her happy ending wasn’t really happy. She had a mentally unstable mother who commits suicide, a father who openly rejected her and married her off to a man about 3 times her age. She loses 6 babies and is brutally abused by her husband, she has to tolerate a second wife, eventually kills this man and is put to death. But in the end, she is glad that she is dying the way she is. Her acceptance of her death broke my heart just because I was hoping for some type of miracle at the end. Some kind of escape. I guess the reality that you can endure pain till the end of your life with very few laughter is what truly bothered me. That this can be anyone’s reality. I loved that Laila and Tariq found their way back to each other. With the way the story was going, I wasn’t sure there was going to be a happy ending for her either.

Most of us are very fortunate that we come from or live in nations where war isn’t literally at our back door. Some of us have never or will ever experience the sound of bomb or see the body parts of our loved ones blown to pieces before our eyes. But there are people in certain parts of the world who are not as fortunate, people who don’t rejoice over fireworks because it triggers something in them. I just weep and pray for everyone who has had to endure this type of trauma.

My favorite relationship in the book was between Mariam and Laila. The mother-daughter bond that was voluntary and not fueled by blood. Mariam’s commitment to Laila till the very end is the type of #goals I aspire.
Overall, I liked the book. It was so heavy however. Just one tragedy after the next. But a very well written book. Have you read it?

Exit West by Moshin Hamid

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image from google images

synopsis 

In a country teetering on the brink of civil war, two young people meet—sensual, fiercely independent Nadia and gentle, restrained Saeed. They embark on a furtive love affair and are soon cloistered in a premature intimacy by the unrest roiling their city. When it explodes, turning familiar streets into a patchwork of checkpoints and bomb blasts, they begin to hear whisper …more

My thoughts

This book was a bit underwhelming for me, mainly because I expected the intensity I got from Guapa in this book. I guess this is a reminder that not all books about Arabia (in both books, no specific country was named, but Arabia is kind of inferred) have the same story.

Exit West started out interestingly enough but dulled towards the end. The author in the beginning allowed readers to get to know Saeed and Nadia but still left a few things out that I was hoping to discover about them later, but it never happened. The author in the beginning of the book also seem to invest in their relationship, but again, just left it alone. I was interested in their love story.

I also wish the “door” would have been explained more, I was aware of what “the door” was, but I would have loved to know what actually went into the process, how the migration was till they reached their final destination.

Everything was just presented on a surface level, for example, the lives of refugees in a different country, or Nadia’s decision to wear a hijab but still engage in sex and drugs. For me personally, I think if an author is going to “go there,” they should go all the way. Meaning if you are going to touch on a serious important subject then you should completely explore it. I didn’t feel that Moshin Hamid did that.

Reading the book reviews, I felt that people had strong feelings and connection with this book that I didn’t feel. I’m not sure why I didn’t connect. It just seem so unsettling, well kind of like the life of Nadia, Saeed and other refugees running away from their homeland because of turmoil. I wasn’t too fond of how Moshin foreshadows the end of the story very early on in the book, like, why should I continue to read it if you JUST told me what the end is going to be.

What I do hope for for this book is that many people in the West read it just so they know how it feels like to be a refugee in a foreign country. I think it is important for readers to know that there are people who want to have a very normal life, like Nadia and Saeed that just wanted to go to cafes and sneak around to be together, just normal stuff. But are unable to because of a war torn country and are forced to grow up quickly. It shows how war and surviving can make people miss out on things that most of us take for granted.