True Life: I am undateable

IMG_1878Truth time!

Have you all heard of “RED FLAGS?” If not, “red flags” are warning signs; behaviors that you should literally RUN AWAY from when you notice them in someone you are dating. “Red flags” aren’t minor flaws about a person, like the person who chews too loudly and snort when they laugh. No. “Red flags” are character flaws that someone can ruin another person with, for that reason, every relationship guru will advise you to FLEA from such a person.

Some of these “red flags” are:

  • someone who abuses alcohol and drugs
  • someone who monitor your every move
  • someone who is physically rough with you
  • someone who doesn’t like to work (irresponsible), etc…

These are just some examples but there are definitely more, right? These characteristics or behaviors doesn’t make the person a bad person, but dating someone who show any of these “red flags” can and will affect your future and your happiness.

So I attended a class at my church and as we were going over some of these “red flags,” I had this uneasy feeling about them. I kept wanting to relate them to the people I’ve dated in the past. I wanted to justify why it didn’t work out with them. I thought maybe, they had these “red flags” and I escaped them. But as we kept going over some of these red flags, some of them kept pointing at ME not them I said to my friends,

I am the red flags

What a revelation right?

These are some of the behaviors and characters I have that are “red flags:”

  • expecting my partner to drop everything for me
  • blaming others or situations for my problems
  • selfish
  • having mood swings, etc…

I have more, but I don’t feel the need to go through all of them. But the realization that I possessed these characteristics that someone can look at as a warning sign or “red flag” literally scared me. Because that means that I’m not dateable. For me, I will waste no time running away from someone like me, so why should I offer myself with these flaws to someone else. No one deserves that.

Although I am worried about the fact that I am undateable, now, I am committed to changing these things about myself and really finding the root causes of why and how I ended up this way. I’m sure it will be difficult but if and when I come out on the other side, I trust I will make someone happy. (assuming I’m not called to singleness. hahaha) So there is hope!

If after reading this, you discover that you too are undateable, do not feel upset about it but be grateful that at least you have this awareness. What you do with it, is up to you!

What are some of your “red flags?”


5 things I learned in 2017

  1. I learned to equip myself before disaster happens. We hear people say, “you don’t know how you’d react in this situation until it happens.” Which is true, but I learned that it is important to know how you will react to something before it happens and prepare yourself for it. It is easier for us to prepare our bodies for old age by eating well and exercising. It makes sense to us to prepare for snowstorm or hurricane but rarely do we prepare ourselves for emotional traumas. I’m not saying live in fear of something bad happens but know what you going to do when suffering happens.
  2. I learned that morning always come.
  3. I learned to allow people to be humans. Meaning, humans are fragile and flighty. They break promises. They look out for themselves and their best interest. Humans fall short and it’s all okay. I learned to allow people to be all those things without taking it personal.
  4. I learned the meaning of the truth that God is good.
  5. I learned to be open about my feelings, whether it’s with people or in my journal. Mostly my journal. But releasing things from my heart to paper and also speaking about them out loud literally saved me. In my journal I’m pretty sure I’ve written about the same topic 50 times, can you imagine keeping those thought in my head? I would burst. Output is so important. Emotions will swallow you whole if you do not release. I learned to release.

What are some of your lessons from 2017?

How to deal with singleness during the holidays

IMG_7362I don’t know about you but I especially feel single during the holidays. I guess it make sense right? because every jewelry commercial, post card and all proposals happen in December and into the New Year. Lets not forget about all the bloggers and youtubers who write and make a 1001 videos about the perfect gift for your significant other. These things alone will make you wish March will roll around already, at least there are no holidays glorifying being in a romantic relationship after March.

The truth is, if you are single, this is your reality and you have to live with it. Holidays may suck especially for some because maybe this year, you will be celebrating alone due to a break up or even death. If this is you, I hope you find comfort and ease this season. For some, you may find relief because you do not have to waste time shopping for a significant other who may not even appreciate it. For you, I’m so glad you’ve found freedom. 

For the people asking “when will it be my turn?” I want to tell you that your question is valid and its okay to grieve over your unfulfilled desires. For you, I hope your person, your perfect person,, comes soon so you can delight in each other.

If this season leaves you feeling unloved, unworthy or of no value because you don’t have your person yet, I just want to tell you that, all those words above that you are speaking over yourself, is FAKE NEWS. You are so loved. So loved and so cared for.

So I have a suggestion on how to deal with the holiday as single person. How about you and I commit to turning those thoughts of loneliness and ache for someone into learning new words and speaking those things over our lives. Words like loved and worthy.

Sometimes tough seasons just seem useless and we just wish hem over, but I really hope you use this time well and that you don’t allow yourself to drown in self pity.

I’ve never really prayed about a blog post before publishing it, but I just had to pray over this post because I feel like some people may really need this. I really pray that you find joy. Deep rooted joy. unmovable and unshakable.

I always want to reiterate that I write for myself too just to remind you that you are not alone. If you want to talk more, I think my email is in my contact or something or DM me on instagram @iwritewhatilikeblog