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2018 Word of the Year: HOPE

It amuses me that I’m about to write about hope and I’m not feeling very hopeful at this moment.

About 3 hours prior to crossing over to the new year I had this burst of anxiety and I haven’t been able to shake it. I’m anxious about 2018  bringing more pain with it. This is so far from what hopeful person should be thinking, so I guess that’s a good word for me after all, huh?

Why I chose this word

In 2017, I felt a hopelessness I’ve never felt before and it was dark and scary. You know the light at the end of the tunnel people are so fond of talking about, I couldn’t see it so I am pretty certain that there was a huge rock blocking it and I was literally suffocating with just feelings of things never getting better for me. I really wish I could share all that happened but I’m really not ready. But it really left me feeling like there is absolutely nothing to live for. I think hopelessness is how the enemy convince us that nothing good is going to come out of our lives and that we are probably better off dead.

I picked hope just to remind myself to trust in the infinite wisdom of God and the infinite goodness of God.

What does hope mean to me

  • It means knowing who the source of my hope is- so I plan to really engage with scripture and in prayer. My thought process is this, if God is who He says and I believe that He is who He says he is, then I can put all of hope in Him and trust that, he will not disappoint. Hope is described as a confident assurance.
  • It means living with the expectation of seeing the goodness of God in my life
  • It means living bold and fearless knowing that God’s got my back.
  • It means believing that I’m untouchable and the Good Shepherd watches over me.
  • It means peace when I feel like my world is breaking.
  • Hope means trusting a God who is Sovereign. Jesus who empathizes with us and Holy Spirit who lives in us.
  • It means Selah- pausing and praising
  • It means understanding that the Kingdom of God is already here in part, and also anticipating with excitement of the Kingdom being FULLY realized when Jesus steps in.
  • It means working hard, believing that it will pay off.
  • It means joy and rest

I’ll try and do updates on the word through out the year.

Do you have a word of the year? or did you make an resolution?

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Selah 2017: The wrap up

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In January I shared my word for the year of 2017 in THIS post. You can read all about it by clicking the link.

I chose the word SELAH- pause and praise because that time in my life felt very chaotic and messy. I was doing too much and wanting too much and I wasn’t really finding fulfillment in anything. At that time I was itching for a more small and simple life where I would find contentment and most importantly rest in mind, heart and body. So, what happened? dun dun dun…

What I did to put this word in action

The first few weeks after choosing this word, I quit one of my jobs and stopped volunteering with two organizations at my church. It was such a weight lifted off my shoulders and I felt so free. It felt good. Months later, I started regretting all my decisions because I didn’t know what to do with myself and I just began feeling really empty as if I was not being a valuable member in society. Even though I was still volunteering with one other organization, working full time and doing something else really important, I still felt pretty useless. I guess that was a con from this whole thing.

Gains

Having some free time and really pausing allowed me to form new friendships and reaffirm old ones. I think I’ve met so many awesome people just by having time to be involved in community. I went ballroom dancing with the seniors (65+ years old, for my non-American readers) at church, went to a retreat and went bowling, just some few things I’ve never done before. I met and befriended people from so many different countries and tried foods I will never really touch, right?. I prayed for people and shared the gospel. I found new music and I think I wrote more on this blog, I think… but looking back this was such a good word for me.

Praise

My praises weren’t what you would normally consider praises because they weren’t that happy and dancing type of praises. These praises were me praying and singing God’s goodness through the pain and especially when I was struggling to believe in His goodness.

I’m really glad I picked a word of the year instead of making many resolutions I knew I wasn’t going to keep for more than 3 months. It was less pressure for me and anytime I would feel chaos, I would just remember the word and I will try to just pause and if I was feeling some type of anxiety and fear, really pray God’s goodness over my life.

I will be doing another word of the year but I don’t what I want it to be yet. A few words are coming to mind but I want a word that will really rock my world and really make a difference in my life. I have an idea of what I want it to be but I am still praying over it.

What was your word of the year or did you make resolutions? How did it go, I’ll love to hear about it.

 

Stay with Me by Ayobami Adebayo book review

Synopsis

Yejide and Akin have been married since they met and fell in love at university. Though many expected Akin to take several wives, he and Yejide have always agreed: polygamy is not for them. But four years into their marriage–after consulting fertility doctors and healers, trying strange teas and unlikely cures–Yejide is still not pregnant. She assumes she still has time- …more

My thoughts

I have such mixed feelings about this book. When I started reading it, I couldn’t put it down but towards the end of the book, I couldn’t really bring myself to finish it. But I did finish it eventually. I think I began struggling at the end of the book because it felt like a story that had been told before. It really reminded me of a book I had read before, so I kept thinking about that book.

I hate to say, but the book was a bit predicable but I still loved the topics it tackled like sickle cell, impotency, politics, relationships, etc… Although I’m into books that cover more than one topic, I do not like when books attempt to be political but then leave its audience hanging. Ayobami Adebayo makes several references to some kind of civil unrest that was happening but it was never fully realized. I get that wasn’t a main topic but merely a subject that brought Yejide and Akin together, but for my personal satisfaction, I would have enjoyed reading more of that.

Akin’s impotency broke my heart but also really upset me. I was upset because of the things Yejide had to go through and how he watched her go through them without confessing. That is a twisted and prideful way to love someone. I detested Akin for conniving with his brother to sleep with his wife, it just shows how much of a coward he was. But it also shows how desperate he was to show that he was a man and could have children especially since he was getting so much pressure from his mother.

Overall, I think it was a very good first book and I am looking forward to reading the next thing she writes.

Have you read Stay with me?