5 Questions Before Your Next Relationship

92fdf65e-259d-4fc7-a7db-43f7ade94c7eHi friends,

With all the #relationship goals going on, I think most of us single people who desire relationship can rush into something we really aren’t ready for and it will definitely ruin us it terms of our time and emotions. Below I’ve listed some questions I think you need to ask yourself before your next relationship, this is my guide as well.

  1. Am I healed from my last relationship? If you’ve never been in a relationship, you can skip this. But for the folks who have, you really need to do a self-assessment and really figure out if you are over the last relationship. Notice, I didn’t say if you are over the person. I think for most people, it is the relationship and its possibilities they hang on to not the person. So you really have to figure out if you are ready to have something completely new that isn’t like your previous relationship, not better than, but just different. Are you over the familiar and are you ready for change? does that make sense?
  2. What am I looking for in a person? When I was younger I didn’t believe in making a check-list of the person I wanted because I felt like I had to follow it to a T but that isn’t what I am saying. What I am saying is that, IF you are looking, you have to know what you are looking for. My pastor always say, you have to have  list of non-negotiable, these are things you will not compromise on, but we need not be strict on EVERYTHING on our list. But we do need a guide, so do write a list of what you want in a person.
  3. What am I looking for in a relationship? Similar to what I said above, list what you want your relationship to look like. If you want a relationship that looks like going to book store on a Saturday to just read, put that down. Trust me, I know a relationship is more than shared hobbies, but I’ve heard it really sustains a relationship. Also, define for yourself what it means to date and be in a relationship and whether you want marriage out of it or not. If you aren’t someone who wants to date for 2 years, definitely list that. That is something that you can compromise on, but make your desires known to at least yourself. That will at least let you know if you are giving up too much and deviating.
  4. Did I grow from my last relationship? I know we all like to blame a failed relationship on the other party because you know? it makes us feel good. BUT, deep down we all know we contributed to things not working out. Some relationships don’t end badly, sometimes it just ends because people didn’t put in effort or distance or whatever. So if distance was the issue, what you can learn from that is that you aren’t equipped to be in a long distance relationship. There is always something to learn about ourselves when a relationship end or even in a relationship.
  5. Am I willing and ready to put effort into finding someone? I don’t believe in relationships just falling in your lap as you sit at home. I know most people talk about “finding” someone when they weren’t looking. I think its sweet and its very true for people but listen, sis, bro, you need to put in the work. If you aren’t up for it, then you just may not be ready to be with someone.

I think answering these questions will definitely be a good deciding factor of whether or not you are ready for something new.

How did you know you were ready for a new relationship? 

Also, I will have a relationship post every Thursday for the next few weeks!!

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How to deal with singleness during the holidays

IMG_7362I don’t know about you but I especially feel single during the holidays. I guess it make sense right? because every jewelry commercial, post card and all proposals happen in December and into the New Year. Lets not forget about all the bloggers and youtubers who write and make a 1001 videos about the perfect gift for your significant other. These things alone will make you wish March will roll around already, at least there are no holidays glorifying being in a romantic relationship after March.

The truth is, if you are single, this is your reality and you have to live with it. Holidays may suck especially for some because maybe this year, you will be celebrating alone due to a break up or even death. If this is you, I hope you find comfort and ease this season. For some, you may find relief because you do not have to waste time shopping for a significant other who may not even appreciate it. For you, I’m so glad you’ve found freedom. 

For the people asking “when will it be my turn?” I want to tell you that your question is valid and its okay to grieve over your unfulfilled desires. For you, I hope your person, your perfect person,, comes soon so you can delight in each other.

If this season leaves you feeling unloved, unworthy or of no value because you don’t have your person yet, I just want to tell you that, all those words above that you are speaking over yourself, is FAKE NEWS. You are so loved. So loved and so cared for.

So I have a suggestion on how to deal with the holiday as single person. How about you and I commit to turning those thoughts of loneliness and ache for someone into learning new words and speaking those things over our lives. Words like loved and worthy.

Sometimes tough seasons just seem useless and we just wish hem over, but I really hope you use this time well and that you don’t allow yourself to drown in self pity.

I’ve never really prayed about a blog post before publishing it, but I just had to pray over this post because I feel like some people may really need this. I really pray that you find joy. Deep rooted joy. unmovable and unshakable.

I always want to reiterate that I write for myself too just to remind you that you are not alone. If you want to talk more, I think my email is in my contact or something or DM me on instagram @iwritewhatilikeblog

On Libya

disclaimer: this is response is based on my very limited knowledge about Libya, the slavery crisis, Gaddafi, and the lack of a stable government in Libya. I haven’t studied this topic I’m just sharing my opinion.

This isn’t new

There have been talks about Libyans mistreating black Africans for a while now. I first heard about this in Ghana years ago. People were complaining that when they would travel from Ghana to Libya, they ended up being slaves or prostitutes. Most of these people got to Libya with an agent- a middle (wo)man who will promise them a job but after landing there, they find themselves as slaves or prostitutes. This has been happening for a while, I only say this venture into my next point…

The death of Gaddafi wasn’t the starting point

I am not sure where this thought process started, but in the last few days, I’ve heard so many people criticizing the West and especially Obama for causing this. The thought is that, because they went after Gaddafi and killed him, Libyans have taken the liberty to commit these atrocities. I don’t know about you, and I don’t mean to be insulting, but how does that make sense. This mistreatment of black west Africans in Libya was happening under Gaddafi’s nose. Just wanted to put that out there so you can form your conversations about this topic well. Thank me later.

The West has no power over a country without a stable government and why…

Powerful countries do not get involve in crises because of humanitarian reasons. I hate to sound cynical but the fact is, if a country like the USA gets involve with a developing country, it has an agenda and it is usually economical. I guess where I am going with this is, Libya has no stable government presently meaning there are several rebel groups feigning for power. So, lets say the UN or other powerful countries get involved, how would they know who to align with? the answer is they will align with a rebel group that they control. We’ve seen this happen so many times, who is to say it wont happen again.

The plea for the US and UK to get involved on social media

Social media many times get it so wrong. The US and UK cannot touch a rebel group, legally, and I’ll tell you why. Most of the time, these powerful countries have power to make change in developing countries only where there is a stable government in place and they enforce this change by imposing sanctions on the country. Without a stable government, who are you going to impose these sanctions on? a rebel group? come on.

The solution

I have a suggestion but lets get back to the fact that I know nothing, but I think one way to get these slaves out of slavery is their various countries making agreements or forcefully getting them back. I’m not sure how they can do it forcefully and I’m not really into violence, so… I don’t how it will look like. But I think Ghana should go for its people, Nigeria too, Gambia, etc… We as Africans need to take control over this situation.

thats all. This is Africa

update: Ghana has reported that many people have been rescued already

any thoughts