Category Archives: heart to heart

For the Single Person on Valentine’s Day

I was wrestling with writing about this topic because I am not sure what the purpose of it would be for you all and I don’t really think I am the person to write about this, at this time. But it HAS been on my heart to write about singleness and I think the day before Valentines Day is a good time.

In the last month or so, I have been fighting with the temptation of settling into a relationship, any relationship. For me settling looks like being with a man just to say I have a man, and that being the sole reason.  My intention was to dismiss the things I care about having in a partner and just be with someone, anyone, who liked me enough and that I could tolerate. I was going to let go of the idea of:

  • having someone I can laugh with
  • someone I have chemistry with
  • someone I can share my bathroom expeditions with (TMI)
  • someone who can pray over me
  • someone who can be compassionate to how I am wired.
  • Someone who teaches me about boldness
  • and someone whose relationship with God is evident, etc…

if you find anyone like this, send them to me!

I didn’t care about any of these things, I just wanted someone, anyone. Besides not caring about these things, I think the root of it all was, that I did’t REALLY BELIEVE that God could give me my heart desire.

I was talking to one of my good friends a few weeks ago (shout out to my peanut butter) about settling in a relationship and it literally scared the heck out of me. I kept telling my friend how I cannot wrap my head around that idea, honestly just thinking about it right now, is giving me “low-key” anxiety. But I am so grateful for the people God has placed in my life and the friend I am referring to just simply told me, “you don’t need to settle. Don’t settle. Just focus on having a really good year” I think I needed that assurance that I didn’t need to settle and it is okay to BE single and there is purpose in singleness.

Look ,I am not here to glorify singleness, because to be frank, it SUCKS! for lack of a better word. It is sometimes painful and it is lonely.

But for me, singleness has really opened my eyes to see the things that God wants to change and do in my life. I’ll list a few:

  • I think God wants to break my pattern of attachment to things outside of Him. Loving someone isn’t bad in itself, its actually a really beautiful thing, but loving someone MORE than The Creator is bad. I think God wants me to know that life is in Him alone.
  • I think God wants to heal me and piece together all my brokenness and MESS.
  • I think God wants me to work on my relationships with my family and form deep friendships. In the past, I’ve only opened up to people I was romantically involved with and failed at having meaningful friendships. I think God wants to fix that.
  • I think God wants to give me joy that can only be found in Him.

I want all these things I mentioned above to happen before I actually get in a relationship. OR I only want God to bring someone in my life who will help me advance in my pursuit of God.

I don’t know what to tell you to make singleness look appealing or even tolerable, because it isn’t for those of us who desire romantic relationship. But I think this season can worth while if it is used wisely and there is less sulking. (the sulking part is definitely for me!)

But, I do pray that you find ease for the lonely nights, ease for when you see all the engagements photos on facebook (should we just delete facebook?), ease for when you are consumed by the failures of past relationships, and ease on valentines day. I pray that you see all that God is showing you and doing in you. 

Most importantly, we are so loved. So deeply. And we know this by just looking at the cross. We know this because Jesus died for us. He chose to die than to leave us in darkness. I am chosen. You are chosen. What a freaking revelation! For me, that is all I’ve ever wanted, to be chosen. I am.

If you’re an unbeliever, this is probably such a hard concept to grasp. It is for us Christians too, don’t worry. But it is the truth, so I hope you can at least rest in that for the days you feel unloved.

Lastly, don’t be bitter and jealous of the people that have partners. Really wish them well. I think bitterness clouds our minds and hearts and prevent good things from penetrating in. So if you feel any kind of bitterness, pray about it don’t mock or speak ill of others romantic relationship.

If you are struggling with singleness and really seeing God at this time, I’ll really love to pray for you. Or if you have any other prayer request, I’ll love to pray for you. I think my email is in my contacts. You can also DM me on INSTAGRAM @yaa_tekyiwaa

How are you dealing with being single? are you dreading valentines day?

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True Life: I am unloveable

For so many years I’ve really struggled with feeling unloveable. Being loveable is defined as having qualities that attract love. Most people I’ve liked or loved I’ve felt have abandoned me and anytime someone walked away from me I’ve always felt like it was something I did. I started telling myself maybe I am unloveable when I was quite young based on certain things around me that I don’t feel like disclosing. Through out the years I’ve wondered;

  • why couldn’t they speak nicer to me?
  • why didn’t they see my struggles?
  • why did they cheat on me?
  • why did they not want to protect me?
  • why couldn’t they move because of me?
  • why couldn’t they watch that show because of me?
  • why couldn’t the love me?
  • why couldn’t they choose me?
  • why couldn’t they commit to me?
  • why was it so easy to walk away?
  • why did they think I deserve the hurt?
  • why did they think that I didn’t need help?
  • why weren’t they willing to fight for me?
  • why wasn’t I enough?

These are questions that have plagued my mind for so many years and I’ve really try to battle it and reassure myself that, even if no one loves me, even if I am unloveable, God loves me and that should be enough.

Today, it wasn’t.

For the last few days, I’ve been thinking about how I’ve made people treat me the way they have or do. I want to know what it is about me that make people not want to love me. It is such a painful state to be in. I keep comparing myself to people just wondering what it is about them that make them more loveable than me? what can I do better? how can I act better? do I need to be less emotional? do I need to be more chatty? What exactly do I need to do?

I know some of these feelings are exaggerated by the enemy but I keep thinking there must be some truth to all of this. I think all the surface, people might think there is something to love about me but when they really get to know me and see who I really am, I become unloveable.

At this point I am really scared to get to close to anyone or I’m scared of being known. I want to keep people far away from me so they can see me in the loveable light.

I am not sure how to make myself more loveable.

I want be loved.

I want to chosen.

I want God to be enough even if that never happens.

Do you ever feel or have you ever felt that you’re unloveable? How did you deal with it? and you fight back that thought? How did you or how are you working on becoming loveable?

**loveable is an older spelling of lovable. so I can spell! sometimes!*

Do not settle: You deserve so much more

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I was driving to work a few days ago and I was feeling really uncomfortable within. I had been entertaining text messages from someone I work with and although the test messages weren’t bad, they were full of flattery. This person has also been asking me to hang out, instead of saying no and being straight forward and telling that I wasn’t interested in dating or hanging out, I kept coming up with excuses as to why I couldn’t hang out.

I think know  I was entertaining him and not being straight forward because in my really small brain, I didn’t want the flattery and text messages to stop because it felt less lonely, I felt a little more prettier, I felt cared for and assured. I was loving the attention.

The past few years have been emotionally draining for me and this year was the most traumatic but a turning point for me because I had my own personal revival and God really showed up in my life. My heart is really changing but I still find myself settling for things less than what I know God has for me. Like unnecessary flattery from guys I have no intention of dating.

I has been praying over Romans 5:3-5 this week and in verse 5, it says that, hope does not put us to shame or hope does not disappoint. This hope is found in Christ. The hope is not some mere wishful thinking but it’s based on who God is, victory that He has already won and the promise of His Kingdom to come. Hope is in God’s identity; faithful, good, Almighty, love, comfort, LIFE, kind, etc… THIS God offers me so much more, so I am not sure why I am settling for mere flattery and conversations about love that doesn’t even take action and hide itself behind fear of the unknown and being “logical.” That isn’t what God has for me. I know that.

This reminds me of a quote by C.S Lewis in his book, THE WEIGHT OF GLORY ( I’ve been reading this book for like 3 years, don’t judge me. Its’s a difficult read. hahaha)

It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

I am for too easily pleased.

This doesn’t mean to be uptight, but just a reminder that the King over all our lives has so much to offer us. For me, it just means being patient and not giving into temporary feelings of satisfaction and clinging to thing that aren’t for me. This means for me, calling myself beautiful and feeling beautiful on my own. It means feeling the weight of loneliness most nights. It means going out on my own and doing things that I like alone. It means establishing boundaries and sticking to them. It means letting my yes be yes and no, no. More importantly, it means clinging to the only ONE who can fulfill me and satisfy me in ways I can’t even imagine.

If you can relate when reading this, I’m praying for you and I, that God strengthen us to reject cheap forms of love and flattery and just cling onto the hope in the beautiful future He has prepared for us. And also to remind us that in every season, IT IS WELL.

even if HE doesn’t…

How do you love yourself?