Life Lately: Autumn 2017

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I have been wanting to write a post for a while now but I have not been able to bring myself to it. For me, when I step away from something for so long, I usually do not know how to come back to it. But I’m doing it. I am writing again. And I am so glad about it.

Autumn really awakens my soul. So, although I have been MIA all summer, now, feels like a good time to begin writing again. Autumn in a way is my New Year.

Life has been, well you know… you probably don’t know, but I can’t seem to find the words to define how life has been lately. Its been really bitter, but with hints of sweetness.

These past few months were a really bitter season for me. One of the most unimaginable things happened to me and I simply couldn’t take it. I went through a terrible season of depression where I literally felt that there was no reason to live. I was down for months, randomly crying in public places, battling with my weight, and just experiencing really deep sadness. I didn’t think I was going to survive. I do not exaggerate when I tell you this, I had never felt such pain in my entire life.

But rose my friends and family. The sweet. In the midst of this deep sadness, came deep relationships. The sweetest of them all being with my Heavenly Father.

taste and see that the Lord is good

I don’t want to be preachy, but God really showed up in my pain. He didn’t take away the pain or even ease it as quickly as I would have liked, because to be honest, as I write this instant, I feel a ping of it lingering. What God did do, was show up. Be with me. I experienced the companionship of the Holy Spirit and it was so near, so real. I discovered there is evil in the world, but it doesn’t go unseen by our good Father. He is well aware, and His Kingdom will surely come and He would make all things right. So I knew, even if I feel pain, for as long as I live, when I am resurrected and when the Kingdom has come, I will feel that pain no more. So, pain is temporary. This might not sound hopeful because we are mortals and we cannot see the big picture, so we will continue to seek relief from pain, as we should, in the right way. But I just wanted to share this truth that, when the Kingdom of God comes, nothing else would matter, so if you are going through a tough time, rest in that! I also know that this is easier said than done.

Life lately has consisted of a lot of tears and praying. But I am so glad to be blogging again. I have book reviews for you all and so many feels to write about.

for such a time as this

How has life been for you lately?

 

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may joy meet you in the morning

IMG_1982 (2)Happy New Month

early in the morning, I will celebrate the light, when I stumble in the darkness, I will call Your name by night

In my last post I wrote about how tough the last few weeks have been, you can read about it HERE. Usually, I leave it all here and don’t come back to tell about my okay days, and the mornings when joy met me by the time my feet touched the floor.

God has been showing up

But in unexpected ways.

At my lowest, sometime last week, I kept repeating to myself, ” I have no one, I absolutely have no one.” but I know this is a lie. There was this battle in my heart, where I wanted to keep saying “I have no one” but I felt in my heart that i really didn’t believe it and it was the enemy willing me to say it enough so I would believe it.

you can have all this world, give me Jesus

My hearts desire

Everything isn’t all of sudden perfect, God didn’t perform some magic trick and all of sudden my life was golden. God didn’t make the pain go away. But what God did was remove the hopelessness from my heart and replace it with peace. God gave me strength to wake-up and accomplish the tasks before me with a clear mind, I still cried when I laid down, but I got shit done. God gave me a song and he softened my heart and I was able to let go of my pride.

I don’t know how tomorrow is going to look like but today, I am okay. I am okay with the mess and the tears. I am okay with the sadness, and hopeful that it will pass. I am okay with the fact that tomorrow might be a struggle but thankful that God is already there waiting to meet me and hold me.

God is good. I am thankful that I know this truth…

You have no rival, You have no equal, now and forever God you reign. Yours is the kingdom. Yours is the glory. Yours is the name above all names.

I just pray peace over anyone who stumbles on this post. I pray for peace and grace in whatever situation you’re going through. I pray the Lord will give you rest, and that you find joy in the morning.

 

 

Success is not a solo act

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For as long as I can remember, I’ve done everything by myself, for myself. I was one or I am one of those people who would rather go a day without eating than to ask a friend or family to borrow a few dollars. I’m not sure what my true motives were, but I always said to myself, ” I don’t want to burden other people, because they may have their own issues going on.” While a true statement, the fact is that, I thought I didn’t need help from others. I thought I had to be silent about my problems because people may rejoice over them.

Growing up I learned to keep my problems to myself. I learned not to share my troubles and to keep my short comings to myself. I was told outright and I learned mostly from peoples reaction to other peoples failures. I noticed that people really tried hard to hide their flaws and God forbid, if that flaw was exposed, that person was ridiculed.

A few anecdotes 

  •  A lady gave birth to a child with down syndrome, for a while she wouldn’t take the kid out. When she finally did, people trashed talked HER for giving birth to a child like that. 
  • Another was, when a lady’s husband cheated on her but of course she tried to hide it, when it was out in public she was ridiculed.
  • Just going back to my primary school in Ghana, final results were posted in public and woe unto the person who came in last place. He or she would be called out in front of the whole school and the students will be ordered to “boo” the person. 

The truth

When I was younger, I thought nothing of these issues, all it reminded me off was to protect myself and not share my failures or downfalls.

Recently, I’v been learning about sharing. One thing my current pastor says a lot and preach a lot about is community. He always says,

You can’t do life on your own

This is the truth. Life isn’t meant to be done alone. We all need support systems, my friends have been pumping this into my head all weekend. You need to tell people you are struggling with finding employment, they may not be able to hand you a job but they’ll know to make connections when opportunities come up. You need to tell people how you’re feeling, they may not be able to fix the problem but they can tell you that you are not alone or simply be a listening ear.

Another one of my issues with seeking help was, I thought help had to look a certain way and come from certain people. But another truth is that,

support may not look like how we imagine

So, we have to be open to how support shows up in our life and embrace it when it does show up.

Tell me about your support system? How do you show up for people in your life?