Dealing with Sexual Desires as a Single Woman

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It is not often that I talk about anything sex related with anyone let alone with people I do not know. So bare with me as I navigate through this topic and try to be as clear and honest as possible. But I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while now I just didn’t know where to start, but after listening this podcast today, I felt like I should brave it. I recently wrote about being bold, so here goes…

My Past:

When I entered college, I was curious about so many things and so I satisfied my curiosity by taking so many different classes outside my field of study. I took a lot of Women Studies classes and there I developed ideologies that went against things I’ve always known to be truth. I believed people could engage in any kind of sexual pleasures they desired. I believed that people didn’t need to be restricted because after all it was their body. I believed ALL sex workers chose to be in the profession they were in, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with watching pornography.

When I started dating, there were definitely certain things I wouldn’t do but there were other things I didn’t mind doing. I didn’t do certain things not because I felt it was wrong but I was just shy. Now I know certain things are morally wrong.

What changed

I’ve been so pro-sexual “freedom” that getting ready to type what I want to say is stressing me out. It is always hard when you change and people do not recognize you or you feel like people won’t accept the new you so you try and hide. But I won’t hide and my past is my past.

There is absolutely no freedom in doing whatever you want sexually. When we give into every sexual desire, that is when our desires take control of us and lead us to dangerous places. There is absolutely no reason to watch porn as it affects you the viewer and the people committing the sexual acts, some of these people are doing these acts against their will. Giving your body away to just anyone is dangerous physically and emotionally.

I’ve decided to lead life that isn’t controlled by my sexual desires. I am not a very sexual person in general but I think I can speak for all of us when I say there are those days when there are “urges.” I wanted to share some tips with you on how to take charge of your body and life and have control over your sexual desires. These things have worked for me for so many years.

Set boundaries when you are dating. For people who want to avoid giving into their sexual desires, YOU HAVE to set really clear boundaries when you meet someone you want to date. People view dating differently and expect different things after a night out so it is important to disclose what your boundaries are up front. I’ve personally decided not to kiss anyone I am simply getting to know or dating. I have missed out on people because of that but it is definitely something I am okay with it even though in stung a little.

Limit physical touch or inappropriate touching with people that are not your partner.  

FIGHT OR FLEE. I prefer flee…

Literally, run away, walk away, do a light jog away from people that you’re really attracted to that you know might lead you do something sexual you’re uncomfortable with. Lets be real, God created some beautiful people ahh!!

What really helped and changed me was my relationship with God. Containing my sexual desires have been possible and even joyful because I know the real freedom is not giving into everything I feel. Although I am free to feel, I can choose to not be consumed. I have been able to set boundaries without fear of losing people because I am convinced if the person is for me, they will honor my boundaries. If we ask God for anything He will definitely answer us so we can always ask Him to help us deal with any sexual desires.

How do you deal with your sexual desires?

Life Lately: June 2018

What?! We are half way through the year already?! I heard that the older you get, the quicker time flies, but I cannot keep up. Make it stop guys.

But life lately has consisted of really really long walks. I get to think and pray and listen to podcasts or audio books. It has become one of my favorite things. I used to like running but my knees would always hurt after, so I decided to take long walks as a form of work out but it has become so much for me. I think its something I am going to keep doing and maybe explore different places. Currently looking for places to hike.img_1340img_1329img_1336

Life Lately has been full of uncertainties. I normally do not do well with uncertainties because, well the reason is in its name. But lately, I am not minding them so much because its like I am waiting excitedly for what God will do. It is like I am looking forward to His response to things and it is like a really fun game. img_1376

When I was younger in Ghana, around 6:00pm everyday, I knew my grandfather would come home with something for my siblings and I. I never knew what it would be, but I knew something good was coming and so I waited with excitement. But sometimes, he would show up with nothing and i would be so disappointment and sometimes even cry.

I am not sharing this story to display how spoiled I was. haha. But this is definitely my approach to God these days. I know He is good in my uncertainty and so I wait with hope. But the days when I need an answer and I don’t hear anything, I cry and just keep praying.

Life lately has been deep sadness for me. When I think about all the shootings that has happened in the last 6 months and children who should be studying protesting in our streets, my heart just breaks. It is just not fair and I don’t how to rationalize it, maybe because it is illogical, it cannot be rationalized. It hurts to see all the RIP’s and people caring more about their rights to own guns than the cries of people, children. I do not have a child and I have never even had my own pet before, so when I think of the immense pain I feel now concerning these shootings, I cannot even imagine what the parents of these children feel. They will never forget their loss. It is one thing to lose someone to natural causes, but violence?

Life lately has been joy filled. I’ve found joy in knowing that although there are senseless deaths and unfair deaths, there is a JUST and merciful God. He will one day make all things right. I am joyful because I have experienced the God who comforts the broken and heal all wounds.19cc0550-3101-494f-ab9b-7dd0edd83a13

I am joyful because, I can be! no matter what my situation is. A few weeks ago, I learned of some information that totally shook me amidst my lack of job security and broken down car. Yes, all those things were horrible and I still do not know what to do with it, but there is still joy to be experienced in the midst of tragedy. That is what I am learning lately. I can be and feel two things all at once.

Life lately has been God fulfilling all my needs. I have a desire to marry and I look forward to that day but I am okay with singleness at this present time. I do not feel the need for a romantic relationship. I am actually wanting to put that on hold for a little while and really pursue what I know that God has for me. Life lately has been satisfaction. Fullness.

Life lately has been going with the flow. I like how I am down for whatever these days. Not really whatever but I am saying yes a lot more. I’ve been so open to meeting people and I am getting better at small talks? who? me? she? yes! I am becoming a small talker now.

Life lately has been full of music. I might start sharing my various playlist with you all soon. Maybe a summer playlist?

How has life been for you lately?

God as PROVIDER

Hi friends, its ME!! I am starting a new series called “God as…” basically sharing what God has been for me or is for me. I wrote a post a few month ago about God as Father, you can read that HERE. I hope you enjoy these series. img_1615

Earlier this year I moved out of my parents house. Although I was ready for my independence, I was lacking so much; income, housing, the one support I desperately wanted from some specific people. I would always think to myself, this process will be so easy if this person was part of it or I had this thing.

At some point I was really short on money but I really didn’t know how to ask people who told me to ask when I needed it. ***A word of advice: If you know for sure someone is need, do not wait for them to ask, just help. There is no reason to tell someone to ask for help when YOU ALREADY KNOW they need help.*** There were nights where I will just wake up in the middle of my sleep and wonder how things were going to turn out and maybe, just maybe, I should have stayed at my parents a little while longer. But I knew deep down in my heart that staying at my parents wasn’t the answer. God was calling me to live a bold and courageous life, a life without fear, and that meant facing my uncertainties, head on.

I remember praying one night, I said to God, If you are who you say you, which is Jehovah Jireh, my provider, then be for  me who you say you are. This became my prayer for many many nights, even till this day. Listen, within that name is promise, a word from God and God does not speak in vain. His word does not return back to Him until it has done what it needs to be done.

10 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
    and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
    giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
    it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
    and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:10-11

This is one of the bible scriptures I spoke over myself over and over and over again beginning in January. within the next few months, I began to know God as provider. I had a place to stay for free, I had free meals, people would randomly tell me God wants them to bless me financially and send me money via the Cash App and I could not figure out why because, on the outside, I was not letting anyone know I was in need of anything. But people will hear what I was planning to do and they wold just step up.

Although I was getting help from others, I still had other needs that I didn’t know how I was going to resolve. The money I had was also running low and so I began to think of how I was going to buy gas or eat. But then in the bible, we are told to remember. So I started recalling all those times I was in need and God came through in some way.

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26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one [a]cubit to his[b]stature?

28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not [c]arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

In this verse, I trusted God as provider.

God as provider for me means that I can ask God for my daily bread and He will give it to me. Daily bread is our basic necesities: food, water, clothing, shelter, etc… God has promised to provide us these things and He definitely will, so long as we ask.

I am not forgetting the people around the world or even people just a few miles away from our neighborhoods who do not have their basic needs met. It is not as if they are not seen by God but we are God’s hands and feet and God provide for us so we can provide to others. So give that tithe at church, participate in the food drive, put that dollar in the offering bowl, volunteer at the food pantry. Even if you do not have the funds, you are reading this, so I know you have social media, promote what that food pantry is doing, so people with money can donate

I know God as provider because He has provided for my physical needs and emotional needs. He has provided me with Him. There is nothing I need of because I have Jesus Christ.

What has God been for you lately?