Dealing with Sexual Desires as a Single Woman

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It is not often that I talk about anything sex related with anyone let alone with people I do not know. So bare with me as I navigate through this topic and try to be as clear and honest as possible. But I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while now I just didn’t know where to start, but after listening this podcast today, I felt like I should brave it. I recently wrote about being bold, so here goes…

My Past:

When I entered college, I was curious about so many things and so I satisfied my curiosity by taking so many different classes outside my field of study. I took a lot of Women Studies classes and there I developed ideologies that went against things I’ve always known to be truth. I believed people could engage in any kind of sexual pleasures they desired. I believed that people didn’t need to be restricted because after all it was their body. I believed ALL sex workers chose to be in the profession they were in, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with watching pornography.

When I started dating, there were definitely certain things I wouldn’t do but there were other things I didn’t mind doing. I didn’t do certain things not because I felt it was wrong but I was just shy. Now I know certain things are morally wrong.

What changed

I’ve been so pro-sexual “freedom” that getting ready to type what I want to say is stressing me out. It is always hard when you change and people do not recognize you or you feel like people won’t accept the new you so you try and hide. But I won’t hide and my past is my past.

There is absolutely no freedom in doing whatever you want sexually. When we give into every sexual desire, that is when our desires take control of us and lead us to dangerous places. There is absolutely no reason to watch porn as it affects you the viewer and the people committing the sexual acts, some of these people are doing these acts against their will. Giving your body away to just anyone is dangerous physically and emotionally.

I’ve decided to lead life that isn’t controlled by my sexual desires. I am not a very sexual person in general but I think I can speak for all of us when I say there are those days when there are “urges.” I wanted to share some tips with you on how to take charge of your body and life and have control over your sexual desires. These things have worked for me for so many years.

Set boundaries when you are dating. For people who want to avoid giving into their sexual desires, YOU HAVE to set really clear boundaries when you meet someone you want to date. People view dating differently and expect different things after a night out so it is important to disclose what your boundaries are up front. I’ve personally decided not to kiss anyone I am simply getting to know or dating. I have missed out on people because of that but it is definitely something I am okay with it even though in stung a little.

Limit physical touch or inappropriate touching with people that are not your partner.  

FIGHT OR FLEE. I prefer flee…

Literally, run away, walk away, do a light jog away from people that you’re really attracted to that you know might lead you do something sexual you’re uncomfortable with. Lets be real, God created some beautiful people ahh!!

What really helped and changed me was my relationship with God. Containing my sexual desires have been possible and even joyful because I know the real freedom is not giving into everything I feel. Although I am free to feel, I can choose to not be consumed. I have been able to set boundaries without fear of losing people because I am convinced if the person is for me, they will honor my boundaries. If we ask God for anything He will definitely answer us so we can always ask Him to help us deal with any sexual desires.

How do you deal with your sexual desires?

6 thoughts on “Dealing with Sexual Desires as a Single Woman

  1. Nice blog.

    Are there men left who are willing to get to know a woman and only have sex after being exclusive though? Aren’t you sometime worried maybe you are still single because of that?I am also single.
    (forgive me for not saying after getting married as I believe there is only 0.000001% of the men remaining holding that standard, judging from the men I come across with/those dating my close friends)


  2. Thank you for sharing. I have some new posts that you can look at and leave a comment at. Keep up the hard work.
    Heather Kendall

    Liked by 1 person

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