With all the #relationship goals going on, I think most of us single people who desire relationship can rush into something we really aren’t ready for and it will definitely ruin us it terms of our time and emotions. Below I’ve listed some questions I think you need to ask yourself before your next relationship, this is my guide as well.
- Am I healed from my last relationship? If you’ve never been in a relationship, you can skip this. But for the folks who have, you really need to do a self-assessment and really figure out if you are over the last relationship. Notice, I didn’t say if you are over the person. I think for most people, it is the relationship and its possibilities they hang on to not the person. So you really have to figure out if you are ready to have something completely new that isn’t like your previous relationship, not better than, but just different. Are you over the familiar and are you ready for change? does that make sense?
- What am I looking for in a person? When I was younger I didn’t believe in making a check-list of the person I wanted because I felt like I had to follow it to a T but that isn’t what I am saying. What I am saying is that, IF you are looking, you have to know what you are looking for. My pastor always say, you have to have list of non-negotiable, these are things you will not compromise on, but we need not be strict on EVERYTHING on our list. But we do need a guide, so do write a list of what you want in a person.
- What am I looking for in a relationship? Similar to what I said above, list what you want your relationship to look like. If you want a relationship that looks like going to book store on a Saturday to just read, put that down. Trust me, I know a relationship is more than shared hobbies, but I’ve heard it really sustains a relationship. Also, define for yourself what it means to date and be in a relationship and whether you want marriage out of it or not. If you aren’t someone who wants to date for 2 years, definitely list that. That is something that you can compromise on, but make your desires known to at least yourself. That will at least let you know if you are giving up too much and deviating.
- Did I grow from my last relationship? I know we all like to blame a failed relationship on the other party because you know? it makes us feel good. BUT, deep down we all know we contributed to things not working out. Some relationships don’t end badly, sometimes it just ends because people didn’t put in effort or distance or whatever. So if distance was the issue, what you can learn from that is that you aren’t equipped to be in a long distance relationship. There is always something to learn about ourselves when a relationship end or even in a relationship.
- Am I willing and ready to put effort into finding someone? I don’t believe in relationships just falling in your lap as you sit at home. I know most people talk about “finding” someone when they weren’t looking. I think its sweet and its very true for people but listen, sis, bro, you need to put in the work. If you aren’t up for it, then you just may not be ready to be with someone.
I think answering these questions will definitely be a good deciding factor of whether or not you are ready for something new.
How did you know you were ready for a new relationship?
Also, I will have a relationship post every Thursday for the next few weeks!!