It feels like a huge lump in your throat daring you to release it in tears. But you know it’s a bad idea so you don’t and let the lump sit there hoping by some miracle it will shrink, maybe just a little.
It’s like knowing that when you release the first tear drop, they will flow uncontrollably and swallow you whole.
It’s like different levels of darkness; when you think, this is as dark as it can get but then it gets darker.
It’s the feeling that your head will definitely explode if another thought comes in your head. It’s thoughts of being no more. Mistakes. Being no more. Betrayal, not from people but the world, God, if there is one! It’s thoughts of being no more. Regret.
Being no more and the pain you will feel no more.
It’s thinking that, this time, your heart will indeed stop beating because it can’t take the pain and fear anymore.
It’s the feeling of negligence because you didn’t look out for your heart. You didn’t protect it. You didn’t guard it.
It feels like aches. All over your body. Lack of oxygen. It feels like lung failure.
It feels like, this time, you will actually lose your mind. You will absolutely lose it and you won’t come back.
It’s begging and crying to whomever will listen to bare this pain or at least ease it. It feels like no one understands you
It’s the need for sleep. For days.
It feels like your best days are behind you and there is no future. And IF there is one, it is going to be dark and gloomy.
It feels like infinite failures.