open letter #1: To myself as a child

I’m not really sure when you stopped being a child so I guess I will go back to 3 events I can remember, may not be very significant, but this is what I would tell you during those time.

The time ginger was stuck in your vagina as a form of punishment

I am not sure why this came to me first. It isn’t something you would talk about much as you get older, honestly sometimes you forget it happens. But here we are…anyways, it may be the different culture you are living in is making this seem more traumatic that it was, but thinking about it later on in life, you will feel “some type of way” about it. But I want to tell you that you didn’t deserve that. There are different ways of punishment that you could have been given. 2 grown men holding your legs apart and a woman who isn’t family sticking ground ginger isn’t punishment. Quite frankly it is disgusting and I am so proud of you for not speaking to the people who did this to you for a long time. Your anger was justified! You knew it was wrong then and when you think about it, rarely, you will cringe a little, and its okay and I am sorry!

The time you blacked out due to self-imposed starvation

I am so sorry I put your young developing body through that. The lies, the comparisons, feelings of un-worthiness, ahhh! you were so young, where did you learn such things and how did you come to believe them? I know where now, but I know at that time you couldn’t really take everything in and process it. I hate to tell you, but the reason or part of the reason for you wanting to starve yourself is still around and still making comments about your body. You believe it sometimes. I wish I could ease your mind by telling you that you grew up to love your body, you didn’t. You are still using unsafe methods to lose weight, but occasionally you do the right thing and sometimes you chuck a middle finger to conformity. Look forward to those days. I’m working on this self-love thing so maybe next time I write to you we wont have to discuss this again.

About you and your friends after school at Tema Regular Baptist

Sweet girl, I just want you to know how hard it was to come up with something positive. I know your childhood seem just fine but its unfortunate that you wont remember because you allowed the negative events of your life to over shadow the positives. Why are we like that? even now? I wish I had recorded more exciting life events about you but I do want to talk about your friends…

Some of them are still in your life now! I will attach a picture to this letter at the end so you know who. Isn’t that exciting? Remember when you will cook using tins and the mango dolls and fried yams and chofi after school. I want to be you again just to relive those moments. Oh Oh and pinting3, pilolo, chas-kele, etc…and in fact clap for yourself for being the ampe champion…well you know! I’m glad you enjoyed those moments because at last you have something to look back on. You will grow up so quickly and things will change just as fast, but I promise you, you will be okay. All the things you are dreaming off or want has not happened yet but I’m hoping that they will. I hope to write you soon with impressive updates so you will be less worried about the future!

Dear younger me, sweet girl, I love you

present me!!

** attempting to do this challenge with Joseyphina, but I’m late as ever! write your own letter her and pinback to me. I would love to read about your childhood.**

look at who stuck around, hope this makes you happy youngin’

3 thoughts on “open letter #1: To myself as a child

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