God take us back

img_0348This is a throwback to when I discovered Jesus.

My story is no different than most  Christians adults. Parents give birth, baby gets dedicated at church, baby becomes a toddler and is taken to church every Sunday. Child begins running around reciting many memory verses, child participate in every church play and sings in the choir even when her voice is painful to the ear. Child is given Jesus.

I don’t have the exact date when I “found” Jesus but I know I was about 11 or 12 at
Ebenezer United Methodist Church in Ohio. I went to church one day and my friends weren’t there, I think they had travelled or something of that sort, so I was “forced” to participate without them being there to giggle with. It was during worship time and I remember singing songs I had always sung and that day, it meant so much more. My heart was so full and I just said to myself, “it’s You Jesus, its you.”  (or something like that, but basically I acknowledged Jesus’ presence that day.) After that I was chasing after God, just running after Him like a wild person. My yahoo messenger name was “on fire for Christ,” that’s how obsessed I was with Christ. I was unashamed, proud, free, and bold about Jesus and I didn’t mind showing it. I didn’t need anything. I didn’t ask God for good grades, I didn’t ask for more friends, I didn’t ask that I get along with my parents, I didn’t ask that they let me go out, I didn’t need any of these things, my happy place was Jesus. The presence of Jesus is where I would run to when all the things I mentioned above weren’t going well. I didn’t ask God to fix anything, I just asked Him to be with me.

Do you remember when God was your everything?

I don’t remember the girl I just described above. I’m no longer that person. In the past few years God’s presence and love has not been enough for me. I still want it, don’t get me wrong, but I still want other things, A LOT OF OTHER THINGS!! I need Him to fix and do things ALL THE TIME! and I know how I got here, being consumed with self and this hard life! In the words of Nas, “life is harsh; hug me.”

But I miss the days when I was “on fire Christ.” When I was chasing after Him like I couldn’t breathe without Him, (which is technically true) like I couldn’t make it without Him, like He was my everything and nothing can come close to comparing to Him.

I want God to throw me back to those days and even better, throw me back especially now that I know the harsh realities of this world. I don’t want to go back to those days and be like the simple, ignorant, “the world is peachy”, type of girl. I want to be aware that life is tough, there will be hard days, I will cry constantly, yet, God is sovereign and amidst all of this, He remains EVERYTHING and IS EVERYTHING!

Do you have the same thirst for God that you did when you first “met” him?

 

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