One thing I wanted to work on or I’ve been working on lately is learning to trust completely. I always thought trust came easily to me, and it did. Well, until it actually mattered. I’ve been having a hard time trusting certain people, God, and self as of late. I think this stems from things not really looking the way I want it to right now, so I’ve taken on the heavy duty of controlling my own life and it has left me sore, in heart and on my shoulders.
I am hesisitant to trust when it comes to my heart and tough issues because I fear that there will be a mishap that will leave me completely broken and I wont be able to pick up the pieces. So I’ve been on guard. Give a bit of yourself but not too much, trust a little, but not too much. Especially in regards to people, I am afraid someone will “make a fool out of me.”
This leads me to the sermon my pastor preached a couple of Sundays ago, He said, and I am paraphrasing: when we completely surrender to God and trust Him fully and accept and understand the depth of His love for us, trusting people, committing, loving, being kind to people becomes fearless for us. This is because, we are so SURE of our father’s love that when anything is taken from us, we are CONVINCED that we will be OKAY!
This got me thinking, trusting is not so scary after all.
*but it is, a little bit*
I don’t think my “trust issues” are going to change over night, but I am hopeful and I’m trying day by day to loosen my grip a little concerning things I can’t control and simply surrendering to my Maker who WILL hold me if someone doesn’t. who WILL comfort me when I fail myself and who WILL love me on days I feel unloved and can’t muster the strength to love myself.
so a toast to letting go and being a little free. baby steps huh?!
so much love