2015 in Review: singleness, sadness,confidence…

year in review

I debated on writing this post about how this past year went for me because I didn’t want to relive the heartache and headache that came with it. But I am journaling this because I hope to read back next year and see where I was at and measure any improvements which I pray there will be.

The year started out great and full of hope. After all, I had just graduated, I was in Ghana and I had a enough money in my savings account to make me comfortable enough to sleep at night. I had so many plans. I was officially done with school, FOREVER, I hope! “and the world was my oyster.” I was certain a job was waiting for me, that I was going to pass the biggest exam of my life, that I was going to be in a committed relationship, and be out of my parents house by the end of the year. Such high hopes.

But life had something different planned. I faced so many disappointments and hurt and rejection in EVERY area of my life. I was filled with self-doubt and  at times hatred for myself and life. Everything I hoped for, to find new friends in bible studies, to get a good paying job, to pass the bar, etc… none of it happened for me.

I can honestly say, I’ve never cried in my life as much as I did this year. I suffered from things I didn’t know I was capable of feeling, from anxiety, to minor panic attacks, to thoughts of ending my own life. I was depressed. I was hopeless and I felt hopeless and useless.

2015, I felt and saw my weakness like never before, it was glaring and showed itself mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I did not feel wise, I wasn’t confident in myself, and to be frank, I envied the lives of other people. I was not satisfied.

Some people may read this and wonder if nothing good happened to me this year. I would be a liar if I was to behave as though nothing good happened to me, but I will be a bigger liar if I sit here and make a big deal about these good things. Because I didn’t see them, I did not rejoice in them, I was not thankful for them. I dwelt in my pain in 2015. I allowed my pain to consume me and it overtook me at times.

It’s the end of 2015 and I am single which isn’t what I hoped for, I do not have my license, like I hoped for. I live with my parents. I work a minimum wage paying job. My car does not function well, and it sucks.

But as I leave 2015 behind and enter into a new year, I’m once again filled with so much hope and I have accepted that this was a year of growth and surrender. I will be writing more about this in my next post which will be my new years resolution.

Don’t let this journal entry make you sad for me, I will love to know how 2015 went for you. Link a blog post, send me an email or just leave me a comment!

so much love

7 thoughts on “2015 in Review: singleness, sadness,confidence…

  1. I just came across your blog!!!! Funny how I read this and wondered if you were telling my story! But I like your last paragraph, I would like to wake up to each day, full of hope but I also agree that it is a process of growth and surrender! Delay is not defeat..though these things tarry, I will wait for them! Thank you Barrister Yaa!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I just literally cried. Your post literally tied to what I shared O my blog. When I was posting on my blog at 1am this morning I didn’t know why. Better days are ahead. Thank you for sharing this. Girl I don’t have my license either, I have lost friends not like died or anything but God removing them. The hardest prayer we can pray is Lord let your will be done and Lord remove anything or anyone that is not meant to be in my life because he will remove the people you least expect. God bless your life. It takes so much courage to come and share this. Sometimes, God will not make things work out because he’s making a way and positioning you for what is ahead. About finding new friends, God will place the right people into your life. Ask for direction. May this upcoming year bring restoration, joy, love & peace. All that your heart desires, may it be granted unto you. Trust in him. Things may fail. People may leave but God will always remain Unchangeable. Even when it hurts, don’t give up on yourself or God. 😊✨

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Bless! I had two major dips in my life in 2014 and 2015! So much had changed for me.
    Please remain thankful and blessed to be alive and doing good enough. Keep your goals and your head high love. These struggles will make success and victory even better.
    Don’t focus on so many things at the same time. Spread your goals throughout the year and give them different deadlines. Be blessed and empowered xx

    Like

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