I joined a small group or bible studies group earlier this summer, and it was everything I had hoped for. A group of people around my age with similar interest and most importantly, our love for our gracious God.
Its been truly a blessing to me these past months, but of late, I felt and have been feeling like I should stop attending my small group. Something kept telling me that I didn’t belong and I’m not like everyone else, and no one understands me and friendships have already formed and you are not included.
So today, I didn’t want to go.
But I went.
I know those feelings of not being wanted is something planted in my ear by the evil one, but I always, always, give in. I can literally spend ridiculous amount of hours going over what have been said and done to me to convince myself that indeed I am not wanted, that I m not part of this thing or that thing and no one really cares about me.
*note: no one in this group have said anything or done anything to me. They’ve all been God sent. The previous paragraph is talking about my general FEELS, and honestly speaking these feelings have been present a huge majority of life*
So even though I didn’t want to go to small group tonight, I went. I felt this urge to go.
After worship and bible studies, we had quiet time for about 3 minutes and these song lyrics by Selah, came running through my mind. Its an old hymnal. I kept hearing…
be still my soul, the Lord is on your side
oh what peace we often forfeit,
oh what needless pain, we bear
all because we do not carry,
everything to God in prayer
I just kept hearing God tell me, ‘calm the “fuck” down, I got this! I got you! I made you and made this world, EVERYTHING IS MINE!!so please CALM THE FUCK DOWN!’ like He is really sick and tired of me worrying.
Y’all God was yelling at me! not in a terrifying way, but just showing me the seriousness of His words “BE STILL MY SOUL, THE LORD IS ON YOUR SIDE”
Anyways, so right now I can say that, I’m going to keep going to group and pray over this feeling of not being wanted and just try to be more open.
thats it!! thought I’d bare my soul and relieve myself of this heavy heart!! as always, thank for reading!!