Hi friends, it’s me! Today, I will be sharing something that has been tugging at my heart lately. I really didn’t want to address it or give attention to it, because I do not have the answers. I do not have advice for you if you are dealing with this, but here is to working through it together.
So lately being in contact with a friend of mine gives me so much anxiety. You are probably wondering why I am referring to this person as a friend. Well, because this person is. I actually really love this person with all my heart but I guess I do not trust them like I did before and being friends with someone you cannot trust births anxiety. When I am in contact with this person, I think there is a negative motive, when I am not in contact with the person, I think there is a negative motive. I am suspicious of this persons actions and words because I just don’t trust them and I really just feel like I do not know this person at all. I think that is where the problem is, I don’t really know this person. At least like I thought I did.
Why don’t I just communicate with this person concerning how I feel? I am actually afraid to. I am afraid of how a conversation with this person would turn out. The words they might use, the action they might take, I am afraid will really hurt me.
I guess this could also be a sign to leave the friendship. My fear keeps telling me that, that is the answer. To just walk away. But that is sooooooo the old me. I never try hard in relationships, I always just give up and walk away from anyone that makes me uncomfortable or any tough situation. I know I can get pass this feeling of paranoia when it comes to dealing with this person and really trust that they have good intentions towards me. I just have to be determined to do it and realize that I am full of love because I am so deeply loved and so very much capable of loving people I find hard to love.
I guess this post is to share that friendships are hard to maintain and it is easy to walk away or “cur people off” as it is so popularized these days. But I do not want to be a person who favors the easy way out, I want to put in the work and face my fears, that way in the end, if the relationship ends, I can say, I gave it my best shot.
What do yo do with your relationships that are struggling?